Fraternity Life
Northern Exposure

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Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
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Northern Exposure

All that's left is the rocket chair and the Golden Sword. Earl says the only advice they got from the brothers was that the Golden Sword was something the pledges needed to think about. I'm still leaning toward the whole penis-fighting thing, because something tells me that this fraternity appreciates a good urine battle more than anything. But first...the rocket chair. Some woman tells them where the rocket chair is, and that they have to take the subway to get to it. So the guys get on the subway and admit that with two hours left, they don't think they're going to be able to find the Golden Sword. Jarreau suggests that maybe they might want to start thinking about taking a taxi. Somebody mentions that the Golden Sword may be in their minds. I'm not exactly sure which one of them said it because I was so taken aback by the fact that maybe one of these idiots may not be as ignorant as I originally pegged them.

They finally get to the science museum, where the rocket chair is. It's some kind of floating chair on exhibit there. Naturally, these doofuses think it's perfectly acceptable to sit on it and snap photos. It's a museum, you morons. Just because you have an MTV camera with you doesn't make you above the museum rules. Sheesh. They'd probably go to Italy and see the statue of David and pretend to give him a hummer for a photo, too. Now they have one hour and twenty-five minutes to find the Golden Sword. They walk around town for one hour and twenty-one minutes trying to find the Sword, to no avail. They get to the hotel, where the brothers are flashing a light at them to remind them that they have four minutes to get to the room. They rush to the room with a second to spare. They announce that they have everything except the Golden Sword. Mike, ze pompous ass wart (I'm getting into the whole French-Canadian thing by now), gives them one more hour to find the sword. They wander around the outside the hotel looking for a sword. Tim decides that there is no physical sword, and that they have to make a sword with their bodies by lying down in the grass and forming a sword. They call up to the room to tell them to look out the window. This causes George to giggle like Brad with a scented candle jammed up his ass. George says they have no idea what they're doing, but he gives them an A for effort for at least trying to understand what the Golden Sword is about. Earl has a moment of clarity and comes up with the concept that maybe it's not a physical sword they're looking for, but that maybe the sword is in their hearts and minds and is actually symbolic. Tim checks the pledge handbook and finds out that a sword pierces their heart with a commitment to the fraternity. I wipe a single tear from my eye as the pledges come together to discover that, collectively, they can accomplish anything they want. As long as it has something to do with the fraternity. Or something. Shit. I dunno. I'm shocked that these jackasses have made it through the last seven hours without somebody getting killed.

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Fraternity Life

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