Fraternity Life
Prank Wankers

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Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
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Prank Wankers

We get the requisite shots of Buffalo, including a bunch of ants swarming on a half-eaten sandwich. Remind me to check during the credits of the show to see if John Waters and David Lynch have been reduced to directing this horseshit. In the student union, George walks up to the pledges and asks them to gaze at a banner hanging high above the students. It's a DZO banner with all the pledges' names on it, and some bullshit about how much the big sisters love these girls or some shit. Hey, I love surfing for midget porn after my wife goes to bed, but you don't see my ass hanging a banner up around town proclaiming it. George tells the pledges to steal it. The girls broke into their house and ransacked it and put shoe polish on a window, and by God, now it's their turn to get even by stealing the banner. Hey George, way to instill honor and trust into these gullible little shit sacks -- turn them into petty thieves. Anybody out there still having trouble understanding why I hate this show yet? If so, let's just nail it down to the massive amounts of hypocrisy being tossed about like feces in a gorilla's cage. George tells them to steal the banner and then "trade it" for a t-shirt that the entire DZO pledge class has signed. But on the back of the shirt, it has to say "I am a moron for letting Sigma Chi Omega steal my banner." Oh, the hilarity! Why, I'm clutching my sides in fear that they will burst from my peals of laughter! Then again, if I were to spontaneously combust, I have a pretty good feeling that would be a decent enough excuse to never have to recap this lame-assed caca again. George informs the boys that he wants to see the t-shirt at line-up at midnight, and then walks away. I've decided that George is the pledgemaster with the heart of gold and the penis of wilted cotton. The limp-dicked Nazi bastard.

So the boys are left to try to come up with a way to steal the banner. Tim decides that it would be "money" if they stole it right then, rather than waiting until everyone was gone. Man! That would be so cool! Gosh, Tim, you're a regular James Bond! Golly Tim, can I gently nibble your balls because I'm in total awe of you and your amazing sneaky abilities? No?! That's cool, I'll just admire you from afar, you fucking diseased wharf rat. Alex doesn't think stealing the banner this early is the smart thing to do because they really need that t-shirt signed. But Tim's up on the ledge, ripping the banner from its perch and stuffing it in his jacket. Meanwhile, the emacipated chicks from DZO are waving and flirting with the guys from the other side of the student center. The guys approach their table and ask to get the t-shirt signed. Nicole -- who looks like a poodle that has undergone one too many shock therapies -- gets way too much camera time as my corneas are singed from the eight seconds she spends on my screen. Talia -- the bleached-blonde bimbo president of the sorority with the most decent boob job of the bunch -- is trying to explain to the girls that their banner was just stolen by the pledges of Sigma Chi O, but remember: we're dealing with sorority girls here. The only thing they're capable of understanding without hefty doses of explanation following the statement is the expression "Suck it, whore."

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Fraternity Life

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