Fraternity Life
She Ain't Heavy, She's My Stalker

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She Ain't Heavy, She's My Stalker

Previously on Fraternity Life, a bunch of arrogant turds were getting on my nerves, forcing me to start drinking again, which resulted in my becoming more belligerent than normal and causing my wife to scream things like "Why are you doing this to your family?!" and slam bedroom doors in my drunk and disoriented face while my son cried. Thank you, Sigma Chi Omega! But man, if you think my life sucks, check out the dilemmas of the pledges. Tim starts seeing Nicole (from Sorority Life) as a good friend, and she's nice and all, but it seems like Nicole may be wanting more out of this friendship than Tim is willing to give. Then there's Alex, who broke up with Lindsey near the beginning of the series but can't seem to shake her, like a bad case of SARS.

The boys are at a club called "Bada Bing" or something like that. It may have been "Bling Bling," which is gang code for "deformed genitalia." At least, that's what the gang member down the street told me as he was removing my hubcaps to take them home and polish them up. He's a good kid. A bit misunderstood, but show me one gang member who isn't. All they want is love, people. And a little bling-bling. So anyway, the guys are dancing with some random hot chicks, and Tim says that all the guys have game at one point or another. Paul says that he may not be known as the pledge with the most game, but that his nickname was "Manwhore" in high school, and that should explain a lot. My nickname was "Manbeast" in high school. Needless to say, with a nickname like that, I got laid about as much as Mother Teresa. Tim is begging the camera guy to tell him he's a pimp, to no avail. Tim then says that he doesn't have a girlfriend, because he does not give a shit about having one. I can only guess that Nicole is going to file this in her "Bad News" folder and shove it in the back of her frilly little file cabinet when she finds this out. After all, Poodle Head's spent the last four weeks picking out wedding dresses for her imaginary spring nuptials with Timmy. Jarreau admits that Tim's a player; Tim says he plays hockey but sucks at football, trying to downplay this cool playa image that he's suddenly been branded with, but you know he's lovin' every minute of it. We then see a montage of Tim with a slew of hot chicks who must love the MTV cameras, since there's no other reason for them to hang out with this pompous bag o' mule shit. Tim admits that he loves the ladies, and that if it weren't for the ladies, he would have never made it this far in the pledging process. Huh? You're not even supposed to look at the ladies during the pledging process, and this guy's been a bigger slut than Madonna trying to get her first record deal.

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Fraternity Life

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