Meanwhile, the guys are having a very tepid argument over how to build the table, while Mike the Puke tells the camera that he feels like kicking their asses and telling them to leave the [bleeping] fraternity because they're slow workers. You know, it's a good thing nobody wanted to kick Thomas Edison's ass for being a slow worker, or else we wouldn't be able to watch this pathetic creature bitch about his soon-to-be buddies every week. Meanwhile, Jarreau says that nobody wants to work on the table, and that they either want to sleep or go out and party and have nothing to do with anything related to the fraternity. Gosh, Jarreau -- are you saying that the pledges would rather live life and think for themselves than do what a bunch of uptight assholes tell them to do? Then why the hell did any of you join a fraternity? Because I'll tell you, Pretty Boy...it doesn't get much better than this.
It's now Wednesday afternoon at 1:45 PM, and it's officially time to work on the Beer Pong table. The guys have ordered pizza, and rather than actually work on the table and accomplish the simple task laid before them, they've decided to take an extended PlayStation break. Jarreau catches Alex and Earl eating pizza and being zombiefied by the PlayStation, and is visibly disgusted. Mike the Puke comes through the back door. At first, I don't recognize him, since he's wearing his baseball cap correctly and doesn't look like a backwoods Forrest Gump wannabe. Alex dumps a fresh load in his boxers when he sees Mike. Mike asks what they've done today, and Earl boldly says that they haven't done jack[bleep]. He's apparently still drunk from the night before, because Mike's the guy who will demand a blowjob for smarting off to him like that. Earl offers The Puke a slice of pizza, hoping Mike will forget the whole thing. Mike declines and says that the pledges had better have the table done by Friday and had better not tell him that they didn't have enough time to finish it because that's [bleeping] bull[bleep]. Brian The Frat Brother tells the camera that this isn't rocket science; they're screwing four legs into a table top. Mike the Puke and Earl stare at the table as Mike informs the television viewing audience that the pledges don't work as a team, they all suck, and everything sucks. And he just can't believe they're about to induct these guys into his fraternity and take their parents' money.
At the Alumni Party, the pledges all have to wear these gaudy tuxedo t-shirts and serve the alumni beer and food. Paul -- wearing a bit too much eyeliner -- says that it's important to make a good first impression, and that he gave his ass not one but two douches for the occasion just in case the party turns ugly and they play "Drink Beer From Paul's Ass Crack" again. We see footage of the alumni in the basement, telling some women in attendance to take their tops off. Yeah. Fine upstanding young men, huh? I guess the "serious jobs" that Mike the Puke was saying the Alumni had amount to being bouncers in interstate strip clubs or something equally lucrative. Earl's disappointed that the pledges don't get to participate in the partying and are relegated to doing the dishes, among other chores. Jarreau spots something nasty in a cooking pot and says that he hopes all the guys have gotten their meningitis shots. Earl says he hasn't, but that he's had plenty of tequila shots. Tim -- wearing his hat backwards as well -- says that there's added pressure now that they have to impress the alumni as well as the brothers, and that it's like starting over from Day One again except that all of their sphincters are three inches wider now than they were back then. We finally get to see some of the alumni, and they all look like children. I was expecting business suits, briefcases, and cell phones. These guys look like Flounder with a job. Steve's walking around with his stupid stocking cap pulled down over his ears. Who deemed that look "cool"? Eminem? Jesus. Would somebody just please take Eminem out Tupac-style so that we can get rid of the stocking-cap-covering- 80%-of-the-head look? In my day, only the mentally handicapped kids wore their hats like that. As far as I know, they're the only ones who still do.