Fraternity Life
Table For Six

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
Table For Six

The guys are getting ready for their big, super-duper special secret Sunday line-up, which will be administered by the alumni. They're a bit worried, because they don't know their stuff and are going to look ridiculous in front of the alumni. Tim says (with a serious lump in his throat) that it's the last place he wants to be, and that nobody knows anything, and that they haven't had time to prepare or study. They're about as far away from each other as they've ever been -- even further than when they first started. They do that stupid elephant walk into the house as Mike the Puke presides over them. Thankfully, the line-up won't be televised, because rituals will be performed. After all, there's only so much male-on-male sexual torture allowed on MTV, and the upcoming Madonna video has dibs on it.

Instead, we get a compilation of black and white footage of past line-ups at which the cameras were allowed. It's got this strange David Lynch-ian kind of feel to it as echoes have been added to the voices and George is wearing a black cloak, standing in a circle of fire and beating his teeny weenie with his gap-toothed smile peering through the darkness. Afterward, Tim says he thinks that the ritual opened all their eyes, and that it will, he hopes, see them come together as one. Oh. See, I thought the Golden Sword experiment would have accomplished that. Or the countless other times the brothers have tried to instill a sense of brotherhood into the guys and were met with blank stares, random nose-pickings, and some serious PlayStation withdrawals.

After the ritual, the pledges are all standing around the pledge house, because their asses are too blistered to sit down, when the doorbell rings. Steve the Alum has brought the alumni over so that the pledges can get to know them. Most of the alumni look like the guys you see toweling off your car at the end of the car wash downtown. They sure don't look like professionals. David Schwimmer is spotted in a hallway. Somebody has brought his midget girlfriend with him, and there's the usual "She's a great girlfriend because she's three foot high and I can rest my beer on her head while she blows me" jokes. The alumni obviously don't have the game that these pledges have. The pledges are bringing home dog-faced strippers while the alumni are bringing home midgets that look like the kid in Mask. Anyway, they all sit down together, and the alumni are cracking on George, saying that when he's sitting in fraternity meetings, he gets a blank stare on his face as if he could actually feel Brad's semen drooling out of his ass at that very moment. The pledges are enjoying this moment and are finding out that the alumni are cool; it's the brothers who are dicks. Tim says it was a wake-up call for everyone. Tim's had so many wake-up calls in this episode, you'd think he'd look more alert. Alas, he looks like he just rolled out of bed and hit a bong on his way out. Just like the end of every other episode of this show, they've gotten a wake-up call. But then, next week, they're right back in their half-asleep mode, being a royal bunch of fuck-ups.

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Fraternity Life




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