They arrive on the Smoking Patio to hear Kim's lecture on shoplifting and price tag switching. Lindsay tries to join in by telling a story about her dad catching a shoplifter, but it does not endear to her to the others. Kim and Daniel have a fight in which she impugns his manhood and he insults her odour. Nick asks if they've broken up and Kim says that she's "dumped his loser ass." Nicks says that he's going to experiment on Friday night with seeing The Wall while straight. Ken warns him against it and Lindsay says that she would go, but that since her parents are going to be out of town, she has to stay home. Daniel suggests that they all hang out at Lindsay's house and Nick says in a singsong voice, "Keg-ger." Kim goads Lindsay by saying that she's "too lame to let anyone into her precious house." Lindsay agrees to the party and Daniel wonders aloud, "who's the too lame one?" Daniel tells everyone to give him ten dollars for the keg and Lindsay is exempt, because the "house drinks [for] free." Cate pointed out to me that The Wall didn't debut until 1982, which is a bit sloppy on the writers' part.
Neal and Bill watch them from inside the school and Neal wonders why Lindsay hangs out "with those guys." Bill suggests to Neal that he go over and asks her. Neal remarks, "if you don't care about high school, you won't get into a good college, you'll have no future, and you'll wind up dead or in jail." Whoa, I wonder who's been listening to Dad Weir a little too closely? Bill thinks that Neal is in love with Lindsay and his proof is that Neal is holding a book in front of his pants. Neal takes the book away, proving that he doesn't have a thing, ahem, for Lindsay. Neal states that he cares about her because she is his good friend's sister.
So, Sam is walking in the hall (and Glark is right, he does kind of look like a little Jeff Goldblum, so before Sam starts saying, "Help me!" in a little, tiny voice, I am transferring my adoration to Neal), and Lindsay catches up with him to tell him about the keg party. Sam is worried about the house getting trashed and their dad finding out, but he agrees not to tell on her.
Millie, Harris (the older geek from last week's show), and Cindy, all members of McKinley High Sober Students players, enact a vignette demonstrating the virtues of having a designated driver, during an assembly. Hey, isn't "High Sober" an oxymoron? Lindsay and Daniel are sitting together in the audience and he remarks that "the designated driver's pretty hot. I'd like to get her drunk." Lindsay smacks him, but not hard enough, in my opinion. The earnest and cheesy "acting" continues on stage and from the audience, Sam beams at Cindy's performance. Millie's character cries, which elicits snickers from Nick and a few others. Daniel puts his head on Lindsay's shoulder so that he can nap, which makes her beam. Of course, Mr. "Call me Jeff" Rosso is directing the scene and he says, "Now, I know what you're thinking: 'Mr. Rosso, you don't understand, if I don't drink, I won't be cool.' Well, y'know what I say to that: maybe if you don't drink, you will be cool." From the audience, Neal nods in agreement and Bill reads a copy of Cracked. The "thespians," as Jeff refers to them, do another scene in which they show how not to drink and still be cool. I'm sorry Jeff dude, but that can't really happen until you are of legal drinking age; at least, that's the way it was back then. Anyway, Jeff forges ahead and asks the audience to suggest a kind of party at which drinking might occur. A smartass yells out, "A sex party!" which breaks up the students. Jeff ignores it and says, "I think I heard someone say birthday party." Way to live in the now, Jeff (tm Daniel -- another Daniel, not the Freaks and Geeks one). More painful acting takes place on stage and Daniel suggests to Lindsay that they cut out of the assembly. He leaves and she follows ten seconds later. Jeff moves on to the slide portion of the presentation during which he shows photos of teens that have died as a result of drinking and driving. It has a profound affect on Neal and Sam, who both squirm in their seats and frown during Jeff's descriptions of the deaths.