Lindsay follows the messenger girl down the stairs and asks her what's going on. Messenger girl says, "I don't know, they didn't tell me anything." Nick is waiting at the bottom of the stairs and says, "Hey." She says "not now" as she rushes by. Nick explains that there isn't an emergency, that he made it up to get her out of class so that she could go with the gang to get the keg. She punches him when she realizes that she was needlessly worried about the non-existent emergency.
In the cafeteria, Bill tells Sam that he should call his parents and "tell them that [he] hit his head, and have them come home before the party." Sam immediately sees a flaw in this plan: his parents will come home and his head will be fine. Bill says, "Well, we'd have to hit you over the head and give you a bump." At that suggestion, Neal launches into a Clint Eastwood movie impression. Sam declines that offer, so then Bill mentions that his mother always serves non-alcoholic beer when his uncle visits "so he doesn't get all drunk, and yell at everyone." He goes on to say that "it is just like beer but it doesn't have that ingredient that makes you drunk." With remarkable restraint, Neal suggests the ingredient might be, "Alcohol?!?" Bill solemnly says, "Yeah." So, begins my infatuation with Neal. Sam thinks it is a great idea but that they'd need a whole keg, which would be expensive. Sam and Bill coerce Neal into using his Bar Mitzvah money to buy the keg, by mentioning that it would be helping Lindsay. When Neal agrees, Bill says, "Mazel tov." Neal says, "Shut up."
When Sam, Neal, and Bill arrive at the liquor store, Sam worries about getting shot and Bill wonders if they have YooHoo. Neal says, "Yeah, Bill, why don't you ask the guy, maybe he can change your diaper too." With a certain zombie-like grace, Bill shouts, "That was unnecessary!" At the counter, the liquor store guy says, "We're outta Pop Rocks." They tell him they want a keg of non-alcoholic beer so that they can switch the keg at Sam's sister's party, to which the guy says, "Righteous."