Now we're in my grade thirteen Calculus class with Mr. Curran...oops, we're actually in Lindsay's math class, but her teacher could be Mr. Curran, if he only had more chalk dust on his ass, and a deck of Cameos or DuMarier Regulars (cigarette brand names, for you non-Canadians) in the shirt pocket of his short-sleeved shirt, under his sweater vest. Anyway, he's blathering on about functions of x, and c being a real number, while Lindsay appears to take copious notes. A stoner dude nearby mouths, "Par-tay!" to her, complete with the devil horns hand gesture. Yeah man, rock n' roll, hootchie-coo. Lindsay rolls her eyes and looks away. A female student appears at the door with a note, and she says that Lindsay has to go to the office to take an emergency call from her parents. She sits there stunned for a moment while Mr. Curran urges her with, "C'mon, let's go." After she grabs her things and leaves, he says, "Okay people, [eyes] back on me, the show's over." Okay, Chief. Sorry about your penis. I obviously still have issues with male math teachers.
Lindsay follows the messenger girl down the stairs and asks her what's going on. Messenger girl says, "I don't know, they didn't tell me anything." Nick is waiting at the bottom of the stairs and says, "Hey." She says "not now" as she rushes by. Nick explains that there isn't an emergency, that he made it up to get her out of class so that she could go with the gang to get the keg. She punches him when she realizes that she was needlessly worried about the non-existent emergency.
In the cafeteria, Bill tells Sam that he should call his parents and "tell them that [he] hit his head, and have them come home before the party." Sam immediately sees a flaw in this plan: his parents will come home and his head will be fine. Bill says, "Well, we'd have to hit you over the head and give you a bump." At that suggestion, Neal launches into a Clint Eastwood movie impression. Sam declines that offer, so then Bill mentions that his mother always serves non-alcoholic beer when his uncle visits "so he doesn't get all drunk, and yell at everyone." He goes on to say that "it is just like beer but it doesn't have that ingredient that makes you drunk." With remarkable restraint, Neal suggests the ingredient might be, "Alcohol?!?" Bill solemnly says, "Yeah." So, begins my infatuation with Neal. Sam thinks it is a great idea but that they'd need a whole keg, which would be expensive. Sam and Bill coerce Neal into using his Bar Mitzvah money to buy the keg, by mentioning that it would be helping Lindsay. When Neal agrees, Bill says, "Mazel tov." Neal says, "Shut up."