Freaks & Geeks
Kim Kelly Is My Friend

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Maggie: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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Kim Kelly Is My Friend

The episode begins with a close-up of the trophy case in the hallway of McKinley High. Cheerleaders are milling around as kids stream in through the door from the parking lot. Millie -- carrying a large, open box of doughnuts -- walks by Nick and Daniel, who are leaning against some lockers. Daniel reaches into Millie's box and grabs a doughnut. Millie protests, "Hey, those are for my French class!" Daniel says, "Oh, but I love sprinkles." Through her gritted teeth, Millie says, "Fine, just eat it." Nick, who has his drumsticks at the ready should there be any need for a Neil Peartian solo, whines that he's "really hungry, too." Millie allows him to take a plain one. As Millie moves on, a girl with greasy long, parted-down-the-centre hair walks backward right into Millie and her box. ["I recently learned that this chick is played by Rashida Jones, daughter of Quincy Jones and Twin Peaks star Peggy Lipton. I remember when she and her sister Kidada were in Sassy, back when it was good." -- Wing Chun] All of the doughnuts hit the floor, and Greasy Girl snipes, "People are walking here, okay? God!" I think Greasy Girl buys her shampoo at the same place Daniel does, which is to say, nowhere. Millie bleats, "Now they're dirty. Just eat them," and flounces off. Daniel and Nick snicker and pick up the doughnuts. Nick gives one to Kim, to whom Greasy Girl was talking when she collided with Millie. Nick proffers a doughnut to Greasy Girl, and she makes no move to take it. He asks her what her problem is, and Greasy Girl says, "My problem is your face, dirtbag." Except when she says "face" it comes out at "feece." Greasy Girl storms off -- presumably to take the lemon wedge out of her mouth, since it's souring her attitude and her ability to enunciate vowels correctly. She should squeeze it out on to her hair, since lemon is a natural degreaser. Threading a few doughnuts onto his drumstick, Nick asks Kim what's wrong with Greasy Girl. Kim relates that "Ricky dumped her this morning. I don't know, she's on the warpath." Daniel says, "Well, if she's looking for new customers, I'm up for a test drive." Nick and Kim laugh and she tells Daniel to shut up. How about test driving a shampoo brand other than Gee Your Hair Smells Horrific?

Further along the hall, a musclehead is flexing his biceps for an airhead. The airhead mewls, "Ooh, you're looking huge," which causes the musclehead to go into Hans and Franz mode. During the posing, Sam happens to be walking past with Neal and Bill, and Musclehead's fist connects with Sam's gut. Musclehead asks Sam, by way of apology, "Are you okay, little guy?" Sam says he is, but when they're out of earshot, he cries, "I can't breathe!" Bill remarks, "That guy hit you in the solar plexus." Sam hobbles over to his locker. Neal tells them about an "amazing chem set" that his brother sent him, and suggests that they get together after school to "make some acid, pour it on the sidewalk, and watch it kill bugs." Before Sam or Bill can respond, Kim and Greasy Girl walk up behind Sam. Greasy Girl taps Sam on the shoulder while Kim stands by, eating a doughnut. Greasy Girl asks Sam what he's doing at her locker. Sam apologizes and explains that his locker is nearby and that he's "out of it" due to being hit in the solar plexus. I don't think that Greasy Girl would know a solar plexus from a solar eclipse, and I doubt she'd care. Greasy Girl is unsympathetic and tells Sam to "move [his] ass." Kim stirs the pot by saying, "Hey Karen, is this guy trying to break into your locker?" Sam protests that he was just confused. Karen thinks that Sam is very confused; she wonders whether he's even in the right school, because she thinks he's too young to be in high school. Sam's claim to being fourteen doesn't cut any ice with Karen; she slams him up against the lockers and lifts up his shirt to reveal a hairless armpit. She makes him swear he's fourteen, and then pronounces him a "geek." She pushes him aside and writes "GEEK" in red lipstick on Sam's locker door. Surprisingly, she spells it correctly. She tells him that, from now on, he'll always know which locker is his. Kim and Karen walk away while Sam laments his locker. Bill asks, "You don't have hair on your pits?"

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