Freaks & Geeks
Kim Kelly Is My Friend

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Maggie: B- | 2 USERS: A+
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Kim Kelly Is My Friend

Lindsay joins Nick, Daniel, and Kim, who are sitting a table in the cafeteria. Daniel asks Kim why Ricky broke up with Karen, and wonders whether Karen is a prude. That question makes Nick spew a drink through his nose. Kim says that Karen isn't a prude: "She's a slut, obviously." Daniel concurs that she must be a slut if she's a friend of Kim's. Kim explains that Karen started "getting it on" with Ricky's older brother last week. That elicits a "cool!" from Nick. Kim adds that Ricky walked in on Karen and his brother yesterday, which elicits an "ew!" from Nick. Lindsay, who has been silently following the conversation since she sat down, asks, "Who walked in on who?" Kim mockingly repeats Lindsay's question and adds, "God, people in this school are so gossipy. Like, get a life." Lindsay frowns. Kim dips her finger into Lindsay's pudding, and then licks it. Lindsay gets up from the table and takes her tray with her. Kim says, "What's wrong with her?"

Lindsay goes to a table where Gordon is sitting with a half-eaten Pogo in his hand, and another girl -- who is sporting orthodontic headgear -- is doing homework. Lindsay says hello, and Gordon announces that the empty seat Lindsay is about to take is "Gary Moss's seat." Lindsay gets up, and Gordon informs her that Gary Moss is sick with impetigo, so Lindsay sits down again. Ew, I don't know if I'd be so quick to sit in a chair usually used by someone with a contagious and gross skin condition like impetigo. I was particularly squeamish at that age. Once, my mother received a fundraising letter from the Leprosy Association. I was going through the mail when I came across that envelope, and I dropped it like it was on fire. My reasoning was that you could never be sure who licked the envelope. Anyway, Lindsay gets points for not being icked out. Hell, if she can imagine eating at the same table as Daniel and his 10W30-coiffed hair, then what's a little impetigo? Nick comes over to the table, takes the empty seat beside Gordon, and asks Lindsay if she's going to "sit over [there] now." Lindsay states that she doesn't want to be abused, especially when she goes out of her way to be nice to Kim. HeadGear Girl leans over to pick up something and her braces get caught on Lindsay's sweater sleeve. Lindsay disentangles herself as Nick says he'll talk to Kim. Lindsay asks him not to say anything, and Nick agreeably promises not to talk to Kim.

Sam is cleaning the lipstick off his locker door while Neal stands by and narrates the proceedings in his Rod Serling voice. Sam tells him that he's not funny. Neal says that he can't believe Karen inspected Sam's pits. Bill says, "I thought she was gonna make sweet luuuve to you." Sam just frowns at both of them. The bell rings, and they start to walk away. Sam whines that he doesn't know what to do. He can't fight her because his dad has a rule: "You don't fight girls." Neal says that his dad has a rule, too: "You don't piss your pants at school." Oooh, burn. Sam squeals that he didn't piss his pants. Karen comes up behind them, yelling about the fact that Sam cleaned the lipstick off his locker. She thinks that, without it, he won't remember which locker is his. Sam informs her that he doesn't want to fight her. Karen gets all up in his face and asks if he wants to "mix it up." Bill says, "Oooh." Karen snarls to Neal, "What was that, Bilbo Baggins?" Hee, I guess she saw that horrible animated version of The Hobbit in English class, too. I saw it in my grade ten English class in 1980, and Neal does look like Bilbo. A lot of people at my school started calling one of the teachers Bilbo Bowers after seeing that video. Karen's insult reminds me of the better parts of high school: insulting teachers. Neal rats out Bill. Karen asks if they're "deformed," and then tells Sam that she's going to put a permanent reminder on his locker, like with "geek blood." Neal runs off while Sam glowers at Karen, who backs away. Bill tells Sam, "I hope she means your geek blood."

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