Freaks & Geeks
Noshing And Moshing

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Noshing And Moshing

Oh my God, I can't believe we finally get to see Bill dance. He's dancing to "Space Funk," and I'm not sure whether he's trying to do The Robot or some elementary breakdancing or what. Hey, for all I know, he could be attempting ballet. Don't forget, Bill may just be the most uncoordinated man on the face of the planet. Sam tries to tell him that the dancing is not sexy, while Neal opines that it looks like Bill "is having a seizure." Bill, unfazed, insists that "women love this." Okay, Bill, I'm a woman and I certainly love it, but probably not quite in the way you intended. Would I ever consider having sex with anyone who danced like that? I think it's safe to say no. Bill says, "[Women] don't care that Rerun's fat because he's got the moves." Sam and Neal turn down Bill's invitation to join him in expressing themselves through dance, even after Bill says, "Come on, Sam, shake it. You won't break it." Or maybe it's especially because Bill says that. You know, there's probably more to this episode, but I'm content to rewind this part over and over and watch Bill's facial expressions while he "dances." I hope I don't wear out the tape Kim so kindly lent us so that we could complete these recaps. What's that? You want to hear what happens in the rest of the episode, too? Well, okay, but let me just watch Bill dance a little more first. Oh, I guess Neal doesn't feel the same way; he turns off the music. Bill wails, "You cut me off mid-funk!" He still insists that these moves will "impress the ladies." He hasn't proved this theory yet, but he seems pretty confident anyway, in that special Bill Haverchuck way. Neal claims that while Bill's dancing certainly won't impress women, he knows what will: "I've discovered something that will change our lives. It will bring us power, respect, and money." Sound too good to be true? That's because it is. After a huge build-up, Neal brings out...a ventriloquist's dummy. Shudder! Ugh, those things always creep me out, and this one, dubbed Morty, is no exception. If there are any women anywhere who would be impressed by Morty -- and I'm not sure that there are -- then I'm sure I don't want to meet these chicks.

The freaks walk into a liquor store. It looks like Daniel may have just shoplifted something. He's zipping up his jacket in a highly suspect fashion, and there's a weird bulge underneath it. All three freaks are staring at the cashier -- a punk girl sporting black lipstick and long, spiky, dyed blonde hair that has the same basic shape as the sword fern plant in The Sims, although it's not quite as fuzzy. I'm really not making fun of her, since I'm quite fond of punk music and don't mind the general aesthetic. I'm just a little surprised at how freaked out the guys are by this girl, whose name is Jenna Zank. Isn't this already 1980 or 1981? It's not like punk was an entirely new thing by then. Then again, maybe it is in their town. We finally get to learn the name of their town, by the way: it's Chippewa. As Ken so eloquently puts it when he finds out that Jenna dropped out of high school: "Why would you drop out and stay in Chippewa? That's crazy." I used to wonder that about my hometown, too. Daniel thinks Jenna is hot, though Ken compares her to a clown.

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Freaks & Geeks

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