Freaks & Geeks
Noshing And Moshing

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Noshing And Moshing

Mr. Schweiber introduces "Neal and Morty," to polite applause. Please, please let this be Morty's final appearance. ["Evidently you've forgotten that time that Neal and Morty made out." -- Wing Chun] Neal starts off by having Morty make a joke about how all the guests' teeth are "terrible." It's not funny, but everyone laughs anyway. Mr. Schweiber laughs the loudest of all. Neal's ventriloquism skills have improved immensely, but that's like saying that someone is a really good mime. No one wants to see that person perform, so who cares how skilled he or she is at something that sucks? One of the jokes is not bad:

What's the difference between a proctologist and a dentist?
One's a doctor of the ass, and the other's an ass who's a doctor.

Okay, it's really not a very good joke after all, is it? Big Harry's laughing pretty hard, though. Either he's totally ripped by now, or he enjoys seeing Mr. Schweiber humiliated. I suspect it may be a bit of both, actually. The jokes get fewer and fewer laughs (except from Harold Weir, of course). Morty says that he would never let Dr. Schweiber put him under anesthesia: "The next thing you know, I'll wake up and my wisdom teeth will be gone, along with my virginity." This silences the crowd pretty effectively. Even Big Harry's not laughing anymore. Mr. Schweiber walks over to Neal and announces that the show is over. He's the only one who applauds, though. When he tries to take Morty away from Neal, Neal freaks and runs off. Mrs. Schweiber follows him. Bill turns to Sam and says, "See? I told you that thing would take him over."

Mrs. Schweiber tries to get Neal to tell her what's wrong. He says he can't, because he doesn't want "to ruin [her] life." She hugs him, which gives him the courage to say, "Dad's cheating on you." She keeps telling him everything's okay. Neal, confused, asks, "Why is everything okay?" Mrs. Schweiber tries to explains that marriage is complicated and that there is nothing more important to her and to her husband than their children. She says that she and her husband have a long time to work out their marriage, but that they only have a few more years with Neal in the house. She tries to reassure him as to how much she and Mr. Schweiber love Neal. Then she makes the ultimate sacrifice and lies through her teeth to tell him that he and Morty are "very funny." A mother's love is boundless. Neal cries on her shoulder for a while.

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