Freaks & Geeks
The Diary

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The Diary

In the cafeteria the freaks are discussing the worst ways to die. Lindsay joins them and the conversation dies. Nick splits and Kim gets up to leave because she has "to go do drugs and have sex." Daniel shouts, "What?!?" Kim tells Daniel to ask Lindsay. Lindsay reiterates that her parents are jerks. Kim spits out, "I don't give what your parents say about me." Lindsay asks her why she is so angry. Kim says, "I do give what my friends say about me," and stomps off. Daniel says to Lindsay, "You sure know how to clear a room." Lindsay looks pained.

Sam, Bill, and Neal are assembled in Neal's living room. Sam wonders if "this is the best cereal [Neal's] got." Neal doesn't know because he never eats breakfast, he just has coffee. Bill deadpans, "Before or after you shave?" Sam and I giggle like little girls. Sam requests some "sugar cereal," but Neal's dad, a dentist, says they don't have any in their house because "it rots your choppers." Dr. Schweiber asks the boys what their plans are for the afternoon. Bill announces that they're going to make prank calls. Neal tries to warn him off in Pig Latin; however, his father is conversant in the language and he tells them about his own prank calling days. That would be the golden age of prank calling before *69 and call display. Dr. Schweiber tells them about the tried-and-true method of calling a number repeatedly and asking for Maurice, then calling back a while later pretending to be Maurice and asking if the victim has any messages for you. Okay Dr. S, Dave's not here. We get it. Anyway, he tells them to "keep it clean," and heads out the door. Bill calls Biff again and this time when he answers you can hear the What's Happening? theme playing in the background. I'd like everyone to now take a moment to remember the woman who played Mama on the show because she died last fall. When I heard about it I was sad and I really hoped that Dee and Rog behaved themselves at the funeral and, just that once, stopped arguing. I think that's what Mama would have wanted. Anyway, what follows is my careful transcription of what Bill said to Biff:

You are a turd. A stinky fat turd. Go sniff a jock strap, you poophead. You love patting boys' butts -- patting boys' butts, you butt patter. You're a perv and a loser and a stinky turd.

Hey, didn't Beck use those lyrics in a song once? But I digress. It turns out that Biff isn't alone this time. A woman is sitting beside him on the couch, and she asks who was on the phone. Biff meekly says, "It was just an old friend." Meanwhile, Sam tells Bill that he better hope that Biff doesn't find out Bill did the calling. Neal warns, "If the cops trace the call, you are so dead." Bill points out that if the cops trace the call, Neal is dead. Sam laughs.

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Freaks & Geeks




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