Freaks & Geeks
The Diary

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The Diary

Kim and Daniel are walking together down a tree-lined street; Kim is complaining that Lindsay is a princess and that the Weirs don't want her bespoiled. Daniel makes it clear that he is tired of talking about it and listening to Kim talk about it. Kim steps in dog poop as Daniel tells her that he can understand why the Weirs are nervous. Way to add insult to injury, Daniel. Kim calls him a jerk. They make up briefly until Daniel jokingly calls Kim a sex-crazed drug addict.

Mom Weir has set the dining-room table with lots of candles and has prepared a special meal of Cornish game hens with plum wine sauce. Dad Weir isn't familiar with Cornish game hens and he wants to know if she put poison in the birdfeeder. Lindsay tentatively tries it and Mom encourages her to keep eating. Dad, on the other hand, picks up his bird (The hen! The hen! That's what I'm referring to, you sick people!) and uses a high voice to speak as the hen. Basically, he acts like a jerk and waggles it around (the hen!) while Mom gives him the stank-eye. Dad decides to make a sandwich instead, and he gets up and goes to the kitchen. Mom commands him to help clear the table if he isn't going to eat the dinner she has prepared. Dad shouts that it isn't his job to do that -- it is her job because she doesn't run the store for twelve hours a day.

In the locker room, Bill is in the process of removing his shirt. Biff tells the class not to get changed because he's been receiving prank calls and he intends to get to the bottom of it. What, is this his only class? Geez, I already thought that "teaching" gym was a pretty sweet gig, but if you only have one class it isn't even work. Anyway, he tells them that he's going to see everyone in his office, one at a time. Neal says to Bill, "Smooth move, Alexander Graham Bell."

It seems that Biff has also taken the time to transcribe the call. How weird is it that he remembers it verbatim? At least I was able to replay the scene a few times to get it down. Apparently, it cut him pretty deep. My heart is bleeding for him. Not. So, his plan is to have everyone read the text aloud, so he can figure out whether any of them were involved. The readings begin with Sam, then it cuts to the various jocks, and Alan. At the end of Neal's reading, he ad-libs, "You are a dimwit and an imbecile. I blow my nose in your general direction," until Biff protests, "Hey, that's not in there!" Neal innocently says, "It isn't?" Now it is Bill's turn, and he does it rather haltingly. Biff asks him to do it again with a lower voice. Then the scene cuts to Sam who is reading with a fake, deep voice, then to Alan who is just giggling, then to Bill again, then to Neal who does it as Shatner. At this point in the show, I'm braying like a donkey, and tears are streaming down my face. It cuts back to one of the jocks who says, "Geez coach, this is harsh." Then we get Alan giggling again. Neal does more Shatner and Biff tells him to do it as Spock, but sadly, we don't get to see that. Finally, we see Bill again and Biff busts him as the culprit. Biff wonders why he did it and Bill tells him it was because Biff's system of letting the jocks pick the teams isn't fair. He goes on to say that he might not be that bad and he can't get any better if he never gets to play. Biff is left speechless by Bill's suggestion that he should get to be a team captain.

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