Freakylinks
Subject: Coelacanth This!

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Thunderwhat?

As they walk out to the truck, Derek and Chloe opine that they're being run out of town. You think? Jason reminds them that they didn't even want to be there in the first place. Whatever, Dante. Go tell it to Randal. Chloe says that she wants to know more about "the threatened and somewhat suspicious small-town sheriff." How can a writer put that line in a script, and not realize what a cliché this whole setup is? I mean, maybe they thought they were sending up the whole convention, but that would involve humor, and perhaps an unexpected twist or two. Not so much. Chloe sees a sign that says, "Owensmouth Mill" and has some sort of brainstorm. She pulls out the cell phone (which conveniently does get a signal now) and calls Derek's place. Chloe is looking for Lan, who she's sure is at Derek's, "probably sleeping in [his] bed."

Cut to Lan, at Derek's place, sleeping on the couch. At least, I don't think that's his bed. The answering machine picks up. Chloe tells Lan to pick up, because she needs help. Lan looks at her watch and picks up. Chloe is all loudly, "Glad you're there!" and Jason and Derek bump each other and giggle like twelve-year-olds. Chloe asks Lan to find a particular psychology book, and look up the entry for Owensmouth, Georgia. As Lan finds the entry and reads it, Chloe holds the phone out so that Derek and Jason can hear it too. Would that really work? It doesn't work with a regular phone, so why would it work with a cell phone? It just seemed weird. Anyway, Lan reads about some guy who had "fear-induced catatonia" in 1973. When they finally got him to talk, he mentioned a "forest god" and "some kind of ancient evil." Lan closes the book and asks what they're doing. Chloe says it's "just a little detour" and asks if Lan wants to say hi to anybody, while looking pointedly at Derek. How old are these people, anyway? Lan says quickly, "No!" and hangs up, and then sighs. Then she pulls out her diary and writes, "Lan Barnes. Mrs. Lan Barnes. Derek and Lan Barnes." Well, she might as well have. Chloe's all, "She's smitten. You've noticed her new perfume, haven't you?" and then mentions that Derek's pillows will smell nice. Derek tells Chloe to "quit it," as they all get back into the truck. Derek asks what they should do. Jason wants to go home. Chloe spouts some psychobabble about why she wants to stay. Something to do with the sheriff and the small town. Derek wants to try to salvage something for the website, since the Bigfoot thing was a bust. Chloe says it's two against one, and majority rules. Jason asks if she's "an official member of the Freakylinks gang now." Chloe claims she's "just along for the ride."

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Freakylinks

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