Subject: Coelacanth This!

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Cut to a videotape of Cassie, holding a beverage that most likely contains grain alcohol, and wearing a formal gown and a big crown. When prompted to "say something brilliant," Cassie raises her glass and says, "Happy Homecoming! Woohoo!" and then pulls down her dress to flash her bra at the camera. Well, at least the writers were able to inject some realism into the episode. The camera turns to Brandon, a handsome young gentleman in a tuxedo and crown, also consuming many alcoholic beverages. The filmmaker comments on Brandon's watch, which Cassie says she gave to him. There's a bunch of kids standing around a bonfire, drinking. Seriously, was this filmed in my hometown circa 1989? Because I'm having flashbacks here.

Cut to present day, where it turns out Pig Hat Girl was the filmmaker. They're all standing in an alley somewhere. Derek asks if she's seen Brandon that day, or if his parents are around. Pig Hat Girl hasn't, but she knows his parents are "upstate" at his sister's swim meet. If his parents are out of town, why wasn't the party at his house? Pig Hat Girl theorizes that Brandon is "hung over, sleeping it off," since she heard that the sheriff found him and Brandon is probably worried his father will find out. Pig Hat Girl makes the googly eyes at Derek, and says that she has "a lot of little movies at home," and maybe he would want to come over and watch them. Derek's all, "Yeah!" as Chloe smiles and Jason bumps him to get him back on track. Focus, man! Derek asks what happened after the party, and Pig Hat Girl says that everyone left except Brandon and Cassie, who were camping out there, since Brandon was "hoping to get some." Pig Hat Girl confides that she would never stay up there that late. Chloe asks why, and PHG says that "things happen, people die." Jason mentions the bear problem. PHG says it doesn't happen that often, but "once is enough when it's your guts getting eaten out." Tasty. Then, there's a really dumb thing about PHG saying she's going to make a movie about it, just like the one with "those kids running around in the woods," and I won't dignify it by recapping it any more than that. Derek asks if PHG can show them where the campsite was, and she agrees, but she has to get back to work. So, she draws them a map.

On the back of her Pig Hat, that is. The Freakylinks gang find the campsite. The campsite is in disarray, to say the least. Chloe goes all Homicide, picking items of clothing up with a stick. Chloe comments that it "looks like they left in a hurry." A watch alarm starts beeping. Jason says it's not his. They follow the sound into the woods. The sun is setting, and it's foggy, which doesn't really make sense, because isn't it usually foggy before the sun comes up, not as it is going down? I don't claim to know the meteorological details of Georgia, but I'm just saying. Anyway, Derek looks up in a tree to see a severed arm, on which is the watch with the beeping alarm. It happens to be the same watch we saw earlier in the Homecoming video -- the one that belongs to Brandon.

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