Freakylinks
Subject: Still I Rise

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Dead Rap Stars

The camera does a slow pan from the domed, ornate roof of what turns out to be a mausoleum as some sort of religious leader delivers a eulogy on deceased rap star Greg "XT" Purdell. We learn that it's been a year since XT died, and that in the year prior to XT's death, many of his friends and family members met "untimely ends by bizarre twists of fate." As the eulogy continues, we see Derek and Jason filming the proceedings. Jason thinks XT is not dead at all, but Derek snorts derisively at the very thought.

Cut to Chloe entering the Freakylinks offices, where Lan greets her. After ascertaining that Derek isn't around, Chloe asks how "it" went, and Lan says that nothing happened -- Derek took off for Miami before they had a chance to discuss their burgeoning relationship. The whole scene is shot through a curtain consisting of seashells on strings, and it's very distracting. Lan claims she wants to "forget about the whole thing," but her face says differently. Chloe tries to pursue it, but Lan says she doesn't care, so Chloe asks why Derek went to Miami. Lan replies, "A freaky-I'd-rather-not-deal-with-Lan's-feelings-so-I'm-going-to-split-town-link." See, this storyline is so much more interesting to me than any freakylink. Is that wrong? Plus, Lan is just beautiful. I mean, Chloe's no slouch in the looks department either, but Derek is an idiot if he doesn't reciprocate Lan's feelings. Or realize that he reciprocates Lan's feelings. I'm way too invested in this subplot, aren't I? Chloe checks out a tabloid cover story about XT, and recent sightings of said "dead" rapper. Lan shows Chloe a piece of video captured by Jamie Hollowell, "XT's best friend and video director." The footage was shot on the set of XT's last video, and it shows XT and his wife Joy getting into an argument over the small amount of time XT spends at home. Joy wants XT home more. In the heat of the moment, XT picks up a gun and aims it at himself, claiming that life with Joy is like having a loaded gun pressed to his chest. Joy tries to take the gun away, and it goes off, killing XT. Maybe. What is this, a snuff film?

Derek and Jason are sitting on some steps in the mausoleum. Jason tries to convince Derek that he needs to talk to Lan about her feelings. Derek insists that Lan doesn’t have a crush on him, and that they have a "fun, friendly, slightly flirtatious working relationship." Jason says that Lan feels differently, and Derek should be straight with her about how he feels. Derek doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Their banter continues as the camera swings back to the hallway they just exited. Two young men (one of them looks like Jason Mewes and the other is kind of chubby, so I'm going to call them Jay and Non-Silent Bob) sneak into the hallway with duffel bags. Non-Silent Bob tries to pry open XT's -- what is it called when they have a marble-encased spot in a wall? Like Marilyn Monroe? I can't think of the word, so I'm just going to go with "final resting place." Apparently, the seal on the final resting place is tighter than the spot Fox got themselves into with their programming schedule this season, and thus, no go. Jay busts out a hammer and easily shatters the front panel of the final resting place. Isn't that marble? Should it shatter that easily? Contrary to Internet rumor, I have no experience with grave robbing, so I don't know the answer to that question.

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Freakylinks

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