Subject: Three Thirteen

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Friday the Thirteenth

Some guy is sitting at home at a computer, and he hears a loud noise. He yells out, "Honey?" and runs into the bedroom. The violins go screechy in the background until he opens the door to reveal his extremely pregnant wife sitting on the edge of the bed. It's Daphne from Party of Five. Except, with black hair. Hubby asks if he can get her something as he puts the alarm clock back on the bedside table -- there is a close-up on the clock, which reads 3:13. I wonder if that will be important later. Daphne wants a drink, and hubby starts to get it, but Daphne grabs her stomach and gasps. Oh, it was just the baby kicking. I was all prepared for an Alien-esque chest-bursting scene. Hubby gets some tap water. A wind starts blowing in Daphne's bedroom, and she turns to walk out and runs straight into -- hubby, returning with her drink. That is but one of many cheap scares in this episode. Daphne guzzles down the water and says she's going back to sleep. Hubby kisses her good-night and says he's "just surfing" and will come to bed soon. The alarm clock still says 3:13, and he must be the fastest water-getter in the West because it would definitely take me more than a minute to do all that. Hubby sits back down at the computer, and the bedroom door slams shut behind him. He runs into the bedroom, where the clock is now blinking 3:13, like every clock in the world doesn't reset to 12:00 when it starts blinking. Hubby checks the bedroom windows which are all padlocked shut. Padlocked? Hmm. He hears a noise and runs to the door, which has about ten locks on it, all of which require a key. Hubby runs out of the apartment building and to some sort of garage, where Daphne is preparing to pour gasoline all over herself. She pours the gasoline, and the scene ends.

Derek walks down a spiral staircase that we have never seen before, and into the Freakylinks offices. Hey, I thought that last week he woke up and walked out into the offices when he heard noises, and I never saw any spiral staircase. I guess the spiral staircase was inserted later, to add levity. He's wearing a robe and rubbing his eyes, and he picks up a piece of pizza out of a box and eats it. Hey, who's that? Oh my God, it's Lan! She looks totally different from last week. She has lost the glasses, gotten an entirely new hairstyle, and is wearing a lot less clothes. I guess they wanted to sex her up since Connie Selleca is so bland. Lan ribs Derek about sleeping until 2:30. What's wrong with sleeping until 2:30? It's the privilege of the self-employed. Not that I'm defensive or anything. She gives him a bunch of guff about "disabling the extensions" and there's non-witty non-banter about it. I can't believe they are using Macs. Lan reminds Derek that he still owes her for "the firewall software." He says he'll pay her back after they "sell some t-shirts and collect on some banners." Well, at least that's a more realistic business model than last week's "subscription" explanation. Derek looks out the window and sees some girl standing there, but since we only see her back, we have no idea who it is. There's a knock at the door. It's Daphne and Hubby. Hubby says that "a demon or something wants to either kill [his] wife or take [their] child," and they need his help. Ethan Embry looks, as always, like a deer caught in the headlights. Like, get a new facial expression once in a while!

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