A struggling single mom has moved in next door to the Playgirl Ranch, and her âcuteâ son Bo struggles to make her sudden appearance in Timmyâs life less contrived by âendearingâ himself to our favorite surly drunk.
Pam throws Buddy out of the house, which upsets Lyla so much that she drives to Austin and finds out that Jason is getting all Mountain Dew Xtreme on her with the tattoos and such. If she hadnât stopped watching Lost last season, sheâd just be happy that it wasnât tattoo-artist Bai Ling âdefiningâ (i.e., giving syphilis to) him. But as it stands, Lylaâs pretty upset and feels like sheâs losing Jason.
Buddy getting thrown out of the house also upsets the Taylors, in whose house he invites himself to stay. Not like the successful businessman has the dough for a hotel or anything. So heâs there, making Tami cook pork chops and grossing Julie out so much that she sneaks off to a party at Tyraâs house whereâ¦
Tyraâs mom is so out of it over Buddy dumping her that she slices her own butt off with the glass-topped coffee table. For real! Julie freaks out and calls her mom to come to the hospital to be an adult for them. But Tyra is mad at Tami because Julie told her that her mom said thereâd be no more TYra COllette in her life, but then Tami helps her clean up the house after the Butt Slice-a-Thon and they make up, and the awesomeness of those two ladies sharing the screen nearly makes the television implode.
And to all of us who thought that Waverly had spent her time away from Dillon having a sin baby, we were wrong. She was spending her time being CRAZY. Yeah, sheâs so crazy she goes and harshes on my namesake and then quotes the totally wrong Robert Hayden poem. Any poetry nut (see what I did there?) worth her salt knows that when it comes to Hayden itâs all âThose Winter Sundaysâ all the time.
Football game, Panthers are ahead by five with seconds to go. Panther defense is on the field, leaving Matt, Smash, Tim, and -- well, come to think of it, those are the only players we know of -- leaving Matt, Smash, and Tim to gnash their teeth in worry from the sidelines. If the defense holds, the Panthers head to the state semifinals. Snap, slow motion, running, slow motion, a Hail Mary pass, a bobble, a dive, aaaand it's incomplete and we can move on to the hair and the sex and the drinking and the fun!
Maybe not so much with the fun quite yet. Pam Garrity is screaming at Buddy, throwing glass at him and telling him that he's ruined their family. A bit of a delayed reaction this Friday night since Tyra's mom outed their affair at church last Sunday, but...I guess Pam does seem a bit slow, all told. The Garrity kids -- Lyla and the unnamed little boy and girl -- crouch on the stairs listening to their parents fight. When Pam really starts throwing things at Buddy, Lyla whisks the kids into a bedroom and tells them that everything is okay, that sometimes adults fight like that. She cringes at the sound of their furious voices while her little siblings cry. She puts a video on the television to drown out their voices, but doesn't succeed in drowning out Pam's demand that Buddy "GET OUT!"
In Austin, Herc rolls out of his room while saying, "Roll out!" If Herc doesn't watch out, Jason will soon begin thinking that redundant narration of one's actions is another side effect of paralysis akin to excessive "wooo!"ing. Jason remembers that he's forgotten his wallet in his room and wheels back in to get it. Herc tells him to leave it, that "if you can't count on a functioning spinal column the one thing you can count on is a drink on the how-wse." Herc's really twanging it up in this scene. Jason's cell rings and he sees that it's Lyla. Herc groans and mutters that she's got a radar for when Jason is about to have a good time. I guess it's been pretty quiet in her control room lately, then, because Jason has been pretty much a wet blanket for a while now. Jason answers the phone and we cut to Lyla in her room, crying, but overhearing all the "wooo!"ing! happening behind Jason. She remarks that it sounds like he's having a good time, and he demurs. He asks if she's okay and she sobs "yeah" and so he's like, okay, then! Call ya later! They hang up and Lyla sits in her room crying.
Uninspiring credits. Now here's some fun! The Playgirl Ranch is throwing a theme party. The theme is: Drunk Idiots. Groups of mucklemouthed teens stand around listening to very bad music, throwing back shots out of Solo cups, and "wooo!"ing in a variety of general directions until Billy gives them one particularly lame direction in which to woo: "Goin' to State! Goin' to State! Goin' to State!" That's the best chant he can come up with? Unidentified Mucklemouth comes up to Tim to tell him some lady is at the door and "she looks pissed."