On the field, the whole team knows. Smash declares, "Hundred eighty seconds. Anything else is failure." (Glark? Another t-shirt? Perhaps for the XXX Glarkware line?) Matt stutters, "Hundred eighty? I can do a hundred eighty." I half expect Smash's pep talk will continue with him recommending that Matt imagine Coach Taylor in the room with a stopwatch, but then I quickly realize how horribly, horribly wrong that image is. Some other boy instructs Matt that he needs to use a camera phone. Matt mutters that he doesn't even have a phone. Tim tells Matt not to listen to these rookies and then weighs in with his own stellar advice: "Remember the first time you drove a car?" Sports metaphors are one thing, but if you find yourself comparing sex to driving a car, well, you probably aren't very good at sex I suppose. In any case, Matt tells Tim that the first time he drove a car he "crashed it and now Landry drives me around." Oh, lord, there is a joke in there somewhere.
During all this awesome stuff, some other annoying stuff is happening, like Daddyshack coming onto the field and making big blabbies about how great Tim is doing on the field, harassing Coach about playing Tim more, ignoring Coach's requests that he watch from the sidelines, and then whining like a big crybaby about how Coach thinks he's better than him. I could not have less patience than I do with this idiot. Shut up, Daddyshack.
After practice, Coach is in his office when Mac "Just a Mistake" MacGill comes in and tells Coach that a camera is missing from the AV room. Coach exposits that it's worth $3,000 and instructs Mac that he'd better find it. Is Mac going to get a spin-off where he tracks down stolen items in blonde pigtails, a short plaid skirt, and some ass-kicking black boots?
At the Garritys' house, Lyla is on the phone with Jason while he -- this time literally -- blah blah blahs on and on about Quad Rugby. Buddy comes home with flowers and heads into the kitchen where his twenty-five-year-old wife is making her fifty-year-old husband and eighteen-year-old daughter dinner. Lyla looks on in horror as Buddy starts making out with her mom. Jason is still blabbing but we hear him realize that Lyla isn't listening, and she tells him it's only because of the horror show she's witnessing. Then Lyla overhears Herc shouting to Jason in the background about a party. Lyla's all "But hunny! I thought we were lame!" Cut to Jason's room where he lies that it's not really a party, but Herc outs him by saying loud enough for Lyla to hear, "It's not 'party,' its 'par-tay'" The man speaks the truth, at least. Cut to Wittle Wywa fuwwowing hew wittle bwow.