Coach spots Vince at his recently-violated locker and calls him into the office. This secret word for this week's installment of Coach Chat is "gun." Does Vince have one? Does he own one? In his locker, on the premises, otherwise, whatever. "Gun. You got one?" Coach points out that he's asking Vince "straight-up," which he clearly hopes will earn him some points. Vince goes through a whole lotta thinking in a relatively brief close-up, and says "Nah, I ain't got no gun." Coach looks him back right in the eye and says that's all he wanted to know.
Tim's in the Airstream, listening to Deadbeat talk to either his girlfriend or his wife on the phone. Whoever it is, the word "midwife" is uttered, so we know some things now. Like how, first of all, it must've taken some kind of crunchy broad to make a guy from Dillon say "midwife" without spitting. Anyway, Tim hops out of the trailer and into superhero mode. I'm kinda with Drunken Bee on the Tim issue. It's not all that interesting to see him become such a generic white knight. But whatever, because check out this game of male misdirection. Tim, trying to nail Deadbeat, asks if that's "trouble back home" on the phone. Deadbeat, knowing he's been nailed, changed the subject to how Tim was "supposedly some big football star." With some sense of experience, he says it fades soon enough, that glory. "You're not married, are you?" he asks Tim, who says he's not. "Don't ever get married, don't ever have kids." Normally, this is pretty safe and typical Guy Talk for Deadbeat. But Tim jumps on it: "You don't like your kids?" Deadbeat stresses that he loves hid kids, but it never ends. Tim asks about the phone call. Deadbeat says his girlfriend in Seattle (of course) is pregnant, and it's all a little much to handle, with the two families and all. "Yeah, you're spreading yourself pretty thin," Tim says, accusation disguised as commiseration. He asks if Becky knows about Seattle, and Deadbeat's like, "Oh ho ho, no!" He doesn't want her to, either. That whole exchange was pretty fascinating, as Deadbeat gave Tim all the rope he'll need to hang him, only he doesn't expect Tim will because of some nebulous Guy Code. On cue, Becky comes wailing out of the house, chased by Cheryl. Of course they're fighting about the dog, and Cheryl rounds upon Deadbeat and starts berating him for it. Tim simply raises his face heavenward and seeks further instructions for how to save this poor family and thus get his wings.