In the East Dillon locker room, Billy gives Jess a lesson about using a lot of bleach on the laundry to cut down on staph infections. She points at the big bin of laundry and says "There's staph in here?" Meanwhile, dirty sweaty boys file past making various comments about her. Billy loudly introduces her to the team, and then Vince comes over. Jess is acting uncharacteristically daft in this scene. She's all excited about how she gets to wear a uniform just like the boys. I mean, seriously? Can't the girl try out for an actual sport and be on a team that way? Why does she want to be on the laundry team so badly? Wasn't she on the dance team/cheerleading team before? Vince tells her this isn't going to work, but she just doofily grins and acts excited about her laundry and calls him "babe" before rolling her cart off. Another player comes up behind Vince and calls him babe.
Tami walks into a supply closet to find...Porn Mouth and a boy with Partridge Family hair going at it. Tami just sighs and says "Fancy meeting you here" while Porn Mouth giggles hello to her. Cut to Tami's office, where she has the girl inside while the boy waits outside. Tami points out that the girl was just making out in a room where they keep mops, brooms, rats. She tells the girl that this is going to get around, and she's going to get a reputation, and this is the time for her to decide what her future will be. She tells her that she knows that she's smart, and obviously is beautiful (well, uh...debatable?), and it isn't just going to be parents and kids talking about her, but college admissions. Which, well, really? Since when do college admissions committees require a virginity test? Maybe things changed under Bush? Porn Mouth starts looking more and more abashed, like Tami Taylor is getting through to her! Probably, its the force of Tami Taylor's hair. Any girl forced to sit in an office with that hair for so long is going to, at some point, do whatever the hell Tami Taylor tells her to do just in the hopes of one day having hair as great.
Vince walks home when Vince's father rolls up in a car. Vince is suspicious, and his father jokes that he has to get the car back to his friend before midnight before it turns into a paddywagon. His dad says he went down to the school to see him and Vince gets pissed, "Don't be going to my school!" and his father tells him to cool off. He wants to see his son play football, his mother says he's "like Superman." Vince just heads off on foot, despite his father's invitation to hop in the car and go get something to eat.