Cut over to school where Smash is rounding out his school day with a little testosterone-fueled sexual harassment. He calls after a girl, who's on a cell phone and neglecting to heed the man who is yelling at her like she's his runaway puppy. He calls her "new girl" until she pauses. She gives him a pointed look until he finally realizes that he knows her. "Waverly? Damn, girl, I don't know where you've been, but time's been good to you!" I'm not positive about my theory that she got sent to the XO Birthing Ranch because it seems upon rewatching that she's been gone for more than a year. Just then her ride pulls up and she greets "Daddy," who Smash then greets as "Pastor." Snap! Pastor's daughter!
Locker Room. The boys suit up for practice. Tim ribs Smash, "Outta your league, Williams." Remember when Tim and Smash supposedly hated each other? I don't. Smash, speaking of himself in the third person, tells the room that "Smash is one-size-fits-all." That sounds like a rather self-deprecating remark, if you ask me. Matt wonders about Waverly being the preacher's daughter, but Smash tells Matt that he doesn't know squat about sizing and fitting: "Last time you was south of the border you was with your momma on your very first birthday." Ew. Matt missed the express train, though, and so is way behind everyone else: "My mom lives in Oklahoma!" Why doesn't he just pretend like he knows what "south of the border" means in this context? Kind of like I used to smirk knowingly when everyone snickered about the math problem's answer being "69" while secretly having no clue what was so funny. The Galoot mouth-breathes his way into the scene, making a bet that Matt will "get up on Coach's daughter before Smash even touches that Waverly Priss Ass Grady." What in the hell is this kid thinking, talking about the coach's daughter within twenty feet of the coach's office? I liked him better when he was in a boy band. Smash is equally indiscreet, leaning in toward Matt just as the camera swings around behind Matt and shows us Coach lurking in the doorway where Matt can see him but Smash can't. Smash: "Think you can get the V-chip out of Julie before I can work my magic?" Matt urges Smash, under his breath to quit talking, but Smash's mouth is, as always, on the Super Express train, with too much momentum to avoid the crash. The boys all slowly realize that Coach is in the room. Coach tightly says "C'mere" and walks toward The Galoot, while Smash says they're "just" talking trash. Right, about HIS DAUGHTER'S VAGINA. Coach pulls The Galoot in by his shirt and whispers something in his ear. He sort of disgustedly lets go of the kid's shirt before turning toward Smash and Matt and, with his tight mouth, reaching his arm out and just shaking his pointer finger in their general direction. Aaand so we all are reminded that a parent's wrath is most frightful when it is silent.