Matt and Smash walk down the hallway. Matt asks Smash if TMU has talked to him yet; Smash says that they're playing hard to get, "but so am I, so, uh..." They get flagged down by the Genetically Modified (Not In A Good Way) Larrabee goofs. "Yo, what's up, Squash?" Chip calls out. Smash comes back with, "What, Chippendale?" Turns out that Chip is just wanting to gloat that he's given a verbal commitment to TMU. A crowd gathers around this awkward exchange -- the one in which Gaius Charles delivers his lines naturally while SquareHead SpongeMouth herky-jerks his way through his. Smash says he's got better things to do than TMU, and SquareHead replies by saying "Like what? You get the manager job at the Alamo Freeze?" The crowd ooohs at this presumed "burn," so Smash's hand is forced. He just licks his lips and says, "Alabama, baby," and the jeers turn to cheers. Chip wants to know if he gave the verbal, and Smash gets coy, saying that "it'll be the shot heard 'round the world." Or, at least, in the vicinity of the cafeteria, I suppose. Smash walks off, getting props from the other Dillon football players, while Matt innocently asks him whether he's sure he doesn't want to hold off and see what TMU might offer him. Again: for this storyline to have had any real narrative tension, I would have to have 1) been informed before this very second that TMU was the school of Smash's dreams, and then 2) been allowed a scene where some ambiguous information comes out regarding Smash's prospects with TMU.
Coach is working in the garage, on the ping-pong table, where he's got quite the whiteboard set-up going on. Tami comes storming in and rapid-fires a story about how she's coming in there to get paper towels to clean up the eggs the Shelly smashed all over the floor and then neglected to clean up. Eric rubs his forehead and snaps that maybe it's time for Shelly to fly the coop. Tami doesn't pay any mind to what he says and continues freaking out, saying that Shelly's driving her crazy by insisting that Tami should cut her hair short. Noooooooo! Now THAT would be the shot heard round the world! I would dive toward Tami Taylor in dramatic slow motion if I ever saw her walking toward a hair salon! Tami then switches the subject, telling Eric about how Corinna was being accosted by recruiters and how worried she was about Smash. Eric says there's nothing he can do about that; Tami suggests that he talk to Smash since he doesn't have a male role model in his life. Eric snaps that he'll get right on that, right after he figures out how to not get his ass handed to him in the game on Friday. Tami leans over to hug him just as Shelly's grating voice comes calling from the house, "Tami! Tami!" Eric: "Oh, God". Shelly opens the door to the garage and wonders if there's another hair dryer in the house; the one she was using just started pouring black smoke. Tami says no, and suggests Shelly go to the store for a new hair dryer and some eggs. Wow, I feel like I just recapped the most boring conversation I've ever had with my husband about where the new box of garbage bags is.