Outside, Buddy rants to Coach about something, while Hastings looks on and remarks to his seatmate, Buddy, Jr. that his dad looks like a real "I'll tell you sumpin'" kind of guys. Nail, head, Hastings. Hastings then runs straight into a hazing non sequitur: "You a virgin?" and Buddy, Jr sort of stammers no. Hastings pats him on the shoulder and tells him it'll be cool when it happens. Cut to a jokey set-up with all the boys and coaches lined up alongside the road taking a whiz, accompanied with some good 1970s game show/porn music.
"Soul detonating / joy bubble of a montage / doormats rising up / busting up the front door." Haaaaaahahaha. Julie is at the poetry reading. And, you guys, this shit is my life's work, but it doesn't mean that I can't find poetry ridiculous sometimes. Anyway, Head T.A. Derek Bishop sidles up next to Julie and starts talking about how he knows the MOST DELICIOUS and BEST place for fried bread in all of Texas. Well, put a fucking feather in your cap, Head T.A. Derek Bishop. He proposes that they drive the 90 miles to the shack. Julie turns her attention back to the poet: "Running, splashing, chicken fighting / The mother gathers her kids." The lesson here for educators is: QUIT IT WITH THE BAD POETRY LEST YOU DRIVE A YOUNG WOMAN TO ILL-ADVISED FRIED BREAD AND SEX. Julie agrees to meet him outside.
The bus rolls down the open road, all the boys taking naps, when Coach asks Staub to "do that thing you do." Staub gets up, surveys his snoozing minions and then blows his whistle super loud. They all groan and awake and he turns back to Coach and whisper-grunts, "I love doing that." This is seriously a delightful episode! They pull into their hotel, only to find a "welcome" sign welcoming the East Dillon Loins. They all pile in to the Crowne Plaza and basically turn the lobby into a mosh pit. The attendant begs with Coach to keep them all to their "block" of rooms, and is at a loss to explain to Coach that nobody makes "regular keys" anymore when Coach holds up the keycards quizzically. Well, that's just silly. Coach has been to a hotel in the last, say, TWENTY years, he knows about keycards. Up in the hallway, Buddy, Jr. is loaded down with the bags he's carrying for everyone else, while Coach Crowley tells them they have fifteen minutes to get back on the bus in practice clothes. Down in the lobby, Vince introduces Coach to his father -- Ornette Howard, who acts kind of hesitant and abject in front of this man who took over fathering his son.