Commercials. Hotel hallway party! It's total mayhem. The concierge tries to make them quiet down and get into their rooms. A scared old white couple picks their way through the crowd, which quiets down for a second, but returns to form the minute the little weasely guy leaves. My favorite is Coach Straub pelvis thrusting jubilation when they get back to partying. Meanwhile, Jess and Vince make out big time in her room until Hastings, Tinker, and Luke come to get him via the patio door. Vince tells her that he made plans to go out later with them, and Jess is not too happy. He promises that he'll be back soon, in an hour. He promises! Don't lock the door! He'll be back! She shuttles him out the sliding door and locks the door in his face. Jess knows what's up.
In the car, Julie wonders whether Head T.A. Derek Bishop is going to take her somewhere or what. He tells her -- and you guys, "barf" would not describe what I feel like doing after this line -- that he's "showing her how to get lost." He stops the car and she asks what he's doing at Burleson. And now we discover that they are not actually at UT Austin like I had assumed. Was there any indication of this? Perhaps my Head T.A. Derek Bishop hate blinders blinded me to this simple fact? Anyway, he proposes that they both explain what they are doing at this weirdly-named school at the same time. Talking over one another, Head T.A. Derek Bishop says that he's there because no ivy league school would give her a shot, and they wanted his wife so badly that they gave him a spot in their doctoral program even though he has "a ridiculous thesis." IT'S NOT CALLED A THESIS! On her side, Julie explains that she couldn't hack it at Habitat for Humanity and her parents wouldn't pay for anything else and then something about a foreign language. I call bullshit on this explanation, Julie Taylor. I want to know more about where the hell you are supposed to be and WHY AREN'T YOU IN AUSTIN? Head T.A. Derek Bishop then launches into a drama queen further explanation: "Her name is Alison. She is very smart" and they like each other but don't love each other. blah blah blah. Then he asks, "Who's Matt?" I didn't hear it but maybe she mentioned him in their stupid simultaneous explanations? She says that Matt is just a guy in Chicago (BLASPHEMY!) and then they kiss.
Back at the hotel, the Coaches plus Buddy play cards and drink drink drink together. Love this. Everyone else is psyched about how the game went, but Coach says that the game got away from them, and he didn't like all the dirty playing. Coach Crowley packs it in for the night, Billy tells him that his G-string is sticking out.