Poor little Matt doesn't want to talk about anything. He doesn't want to talk about Carlotta, he doesn't want to talk about fine art, he doesn't want to talk about the Panthers' State prospects now that Smash is suspended. The only thing he does want to do is call his art teacher a bitch and show up to practice drunk. Oh, and also get lap dances at The Landing Strip. And show up drunk to the emergency room to pick up his hurt Grandma. Coach literally throws Matt in a cold shower to wake him up, only to get woken up himself as Matt sobs that everyone in his life leaves him. Jean makes her move on Landry, asking Tyra first if it's cool. Tyra can smell the nerd on her and decides to mark her territory, telling Landry that she wants to try to make it work with him. Landry, at first, tells her that she can't just expect him to drop everything and go back to her. And then he drops everything and goes back to her. Jean is not so pleased with this turn of events. And just when you thought Julie couldn't find one more thing in the universe to pout about...she does. She's jealous of Tami's new relationship with Tyra, and angry that Tami forgot to meet her at the DMV. Tami makes it up to her: Julie gets her license, and then starts looking for something else to complain about. Smash's scholarship to TMU is revoked because of his involvement in the Convenient Racism Plot, which seems like a harsh punishment for a kid who just got involved with a lame premise. But at the end of the episode, he gives a rousing pep talk to his demoralized team as they head out to play a game, the first of which has actually seemed to matter this season. His teammates leave him in the locker room, alone, and he breaks down into sobs and it's really awful to watch and I guess if Convenient Racism was the only way they could figure to get Gaius Charles to this place, then I'll live with it. Finally: HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS DID YOU SEE THE PREVIEWS FOR NEXT WEEK?
Matt is scrambling up some eggs for Grandma, who calls in from the TV room to remind him not to burn her sausages: "You know I like my Jimmy Deans tender." I love it when Grandma Saracen talks dirty. Matt tells her he's making her eggs and she says that she wants French toast: "Carlotta says Tuesdays are French Toast Tuesdays." Matt reminds her that Car-LOW-ta isn't here anymore and then sends a bunch of pots clanging to the floor. Exasperated, he plates up her eggs, and she gasps when she sees he cut her toast into triangles like she likes. As a person who can't eat her meal unless it is artfully arranged on the plate, I'm taken by Grandma's (infuriating and, in her case, sadly infantile) pleasures. Matt sets the plate down in front of her and she tells him to just wait until Carlotta comes back. Matt, cleaning up the mess he made, snaps that she's not going to come back. He sulks toward his room when Grandma asks him, a bit plaintively, "Matthew? Why did she leave?" Matt doesn't know, picking up his State Championship ring from his dresser and looking at it with a sigh. Grandma, in the background, mutters about how they'll be okay without her. Matt, walking out the door to school and somewhat on auto-pilot, says, "I love you," and then tells her to be good. She chuckles as he leaves and says she'll try, and then gets back to her eggs and TV. Oh, that was a beautiful scene.
Coach is following Julie around as she gets ready for school, quizzing her on various driver's education things. She's giving him a hard time, answering with sass and requesting that he not ever get in the car with her. He gives it right back to her, telling her that if she doesn't take this seriously, she'll be waving at him from a little window in the back of a yellow school bus. Heh. Julie snaps to it and answers his questions correctly. He moves on: "And what is the state's legal alcohol level?" "Point-oh-eight, Dad." Wrong! Coach points at her, saying that's the limit for those over twenty-one; for her, the limit is zero and she's never driving if he ever catches her with alcohol in a car. Tami, who's been drifting about in the background looking for her volleyball shoes (?), pipes up and tells her husband to back off. "In fact, I'm gonna take her for her driver's test." Coach says fine, if he's fired, he'll be in the bathroom. Which, with the big mug of coffee in his hand, just says "family."
Matt drives to school in his old beater that Gidget convinced him to buy. He turns on the radio and Slammin' Sammy exposits that it is official, Smash Williams is suspended. As he goes on with various useless sports statistics (no state-champion team has ever not made the playoffs the following year), a warning light goes on in Matt's car, the engine starts smoking, and some kind of belt starts squealing. Matt bangs on the dashboard but somehow, that doesn't help. He pulls over to the side of the road, opens the hood and watches the steam of failure and heartbreak pour forth. He bangs it shut, punches it a few times, and walks off.