So I know it's, like, my job and everything to watch this show and the plot twist was, like, laid out in the episode title and all but HOLY CRAP! Jason asked Lyla to marry him! Child brides!
So that happens. Also, Lady Mayor is totally a lezzzbian, which must make for quite the storehouse of Aqua Net up in that rustic ranch those ladies have. And Tami is going to work for the lezzzbian, working on her next political campaign.
In football land, Smash's momma freaks out when she finds out that he's been juicing; she brings the evidence to Coach, but Taylor decides to just bench him for a game and not to tell the athletic board about his steroid use, and even Kyle Chandler's hair is like "Wha-wha??!?" when he shares that decision with Smash. That is not going to end well.
There's also something about Tyra's slutty mom and also about a football game and the Panthers winning, but did I tell you Jason asked Lyla to marry him? Have you ever heard of anything more stupidly awesome?
Previously, Jason loves Lyla, Matt's Dad loves George Bush, Smash loves the juice, and Tyra's mom loves it when men tell her she was asking for it.
The Taylors drive to school. For once the radio is not tuned to Slammin' Sammy Mead but instead a woman listening to another woman confess that she "loves him, but I'm not sure I'm ready to do time for him." Tami is in the front seat nodding along until Coach reaches to turn the channel, saying that he's had enough. The women immediately send up cries of protest, and Coach turns to his wife and asks if she really wants to listen to this story about a "girl runnin' around town robbin' liquor stores?!" Tami doesn't miss a beat and altos, "She's robbin' for love, hun." Coach wants to listen to Sammy Mead, and Julie pipes up from the back, reminding her dad that "Sammy Mead is just stress in a bottle." Her mom echos her daughter, turning to Coach and repeating "Stress in a bottle, hun, stress in a bottle." Coach realizes when the womenfolk have chased him out of the hen house, and he just cocks his head in exasperation as the radio host intones in the background "You are in control of your destiny...you are in control of your destiny." Tami, softly, "That's good advice."
Cut to a grey morning on the football field. Coach Taylor, popping sunflower seeds into his jaw, "Right now, you are in control of your destiny." He reminds the boys that last week they were stuck waiting on the results of a game that was out of their control. Now, if they win the game on Friday, they're going to the playoffs. Cut to the boys running plays while Taylor and Mac shoot the breeze. Mac wants to know if Taylor caught his interview on Sammy Mead that morning; Coach avers that "the girls had me listenin' to some damn psychologist this mornin'." Mac doesn't miss a beat and asks "Dr. Q?" Coach: "You listen to Dr. Q?" Mac: "I live by her." Coach: "Hm." Nice little set piece.
Cut to the Williams' house, where Corinna is in Smash's room, muttering to herself about having to clean up after the boy. His room really is a wreck. She exclaims, "You could at least make up the bed!" and leans over to straighten the linens. A little note of discovery plays on the soundtrack as she notices a bag in between the bed and the night stand. Smash! You couldn't find a better hiding place than that? Where do you think he keeps his condoms? Probably on his key chain that he leaves in the bowl by the front door when he comes home each day. Smash's Momma looks at the bag of syringes and vials and exclaims "Oh, naw!"