Tami gets quietly shrill about Tim not writing the paper. Tim asks her what the big deal is, and Tami responds with the best, most succinct articulation of why we try to educate ourselves and our children: "Because it's my job to make sure you don't grow up stupid." Pause. "It's bad for the world." Cf., 2001-the present. Tim laughs. Tami goes from perky to pissed faster than you can spit and informs Tim that it is now her personal job to make sure he doesn't get any more free passes. He can see she's serious, and so he gets serious himself: "We are two wins away from the playoffs, Mrs. Taylor." She nods and tells him she appreciates that fact. He pleads with her, saying that if he doesn't pass, he doesn't play. She just stares at him impassively and says "Well I guess we'd better get you to pass, then."
Cut over to a dive bar/BBQ joint where Herc and Jason sit watching some football. Herc is busy shouting weird man stuff at the game on the television until Jason sort of blurts out, "How do I have sex?" Herc teases Jason that "my boy is growin' up" but Jason is serious, and just says he needs some information after "a mishap." Herc wonders if he was alone or with a girl, and Jason says the latter. He clarifies, with some embarrassment, "I was having trouble...staying at attention." Herc first tells Jason he's proud of him and then asks, "Where'd you find her?" like Jason will respond that he found her out back of the Big Boy or something. When it becomes clear that it was Lyla, Herc goes nuts, "Nooo! Booo!" and then, "Of course your ding-dong went soft! It was tryin' to protect ya!" Herc keeps at it until Jason tells him how unhelpful he's being. Herc says he knows what Jason was doing, "You wanted to grab her and do her. You wanted to bang the bejeezus outta her," to make her forget about Riggins. Jason has to admit that, yes, this was exactly what he wanted to do. I have a feeling Lyla's hot fuck-me boots had a little something to do with it, too. Herc tells Jason that it's not going to happen, at least not for a while, that Jason is "like a newborn baby, you don't know how to do anything." He tells the ParaNewbie that he needs to figure out what turns him on because what worked before might not anymore. Jason wants to know if he'll ever "be able to...you know." Herc: "You mean fireworks? Super, happy, fun time?" Luckily the Jason Street Bad News Train stops here as Herc assures him he will. The train sort of lurches forward a bit, though, when Herc qualifies, "Just maybe not every time." Herc finally adopts a sensitive tone as he tells Jason that nothing is the same anymore, and that there's more to life than just "hit it and quit it." Well, now, I guess Herc didn't see Lyla in those boots, then.