Friday Night Lights
Nevermind

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Nevermind

Matt walks up to his father and shakes his hand and then brings him over to meet Coach Taylor. Coach Taylor is, as usual, smooth as silky panties as he small talks with Henry Saracen. Coach is all nice words about Matt; Henry, in response is all ass words about his own son. "I didn't know he had it in 'im." Coach pauses, hopefully considering what an ass face Henry is already being, before reminding the man that, yes, his son has plenty in him. Henry: "Just hope he keeps doing okay under pressure." Matt looks confused, as any son would when finding out that "war hero" does not translate into "good dad."

Outside school, Julie tries to reassure Matt that his dad is just having a hard time expressing himself. Julie's all about the skinny jeans (thanks, Delia's!), and she looks cute. Landry, helpful as ever, suggests that his father is "war crazy" and "all messed up." Landry is, meanwhile, putting posters up around school campus. Julie asks Matt if his father is going to help figure out home care for his grandmother. Matt says that of course he is, that his coming home now is perfect timing to help out on that front. Landry, again so helpfully, says that what Matt's dad needs is "to come see my band, Crucifictorius" ["...Awesome." -- Joe R] and then calls out across the totally-not-paying-attention football field, "Anyone? Show's at eleven. Gotta get there early, it's gonna be pretty packed." As Julie and Matt walk off, she asks "We have to go to that, don't we?" and Matt says that if they don't, nobody else will show up.

Jason lies in bed when Lyla knocks on the door. She says she's brought "Dirty. Dirty. Dirty...quad porn," and then we cut to the television screen on which a librarian-looking woman lectures the viewer about precautions to take before engaging in sexual activity. I don't know what Lyla's been watching up until now, but I don't know that this tape merits the three "dirties" she gave it. If I were reviewing, I'd probably go with "institutional" or "dick-withering" over "dirty, dirty, dirty." Lyla is back in full-on Helper Bee mode, our least favorite mode for her to be in. Bring back the fuck-me boots, girl! When the word "masturbation" comes out of the Dorothy Hamill-looking lady on the screen, Jason speaks for us all and begs Lyla to turn the tape off. Lyla acknowledges that maybe this isn't the porn he was expecting, but that there's lots of useful stuff in the video. To illustrate her point, we cut back to the tape, where it appears that some frizzy-haired blonde woman is mounting Keith Hernandez in a wheelchair. Jason decides he's had enough and fumbles with the remote. Lyla whines at Jason for turning the tape off, and then proceeds to talk over their problems, assuring him that they'll get through this, and saying "a lot of couples have a lot of luck in the shower." I'm afraid this show is giving off the impression that becoming paralyzed gives teens a free pass to just have sex wherever they want. "Don't mind us, mom, we're just a mature couple with a bit of sexual dysfunction to work out. We'll wash the kitchen table down when we're done." Jason finally puts a stop to Lyla's "helpful" "suggestions" by blurting out that if she "want[s] to get laid so bad, call Riggins." Ouch.

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Friday Night Lights

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