Vince and Luke hit up a barbeque place, chatting about letters of intent. Luke bitches about Hastings, and Vince jokes about how angry Luke has been about Hastings recently. An older gentleman in line ahead of them butts in and starts praising Vince and his "canons." He pays for Vince's dinner. When Vince introduces him to Luke as "my star running back," the man -- Bob Short, of Short Gardening Supplies -- clearly could not care less. Luke shakes his head ruefully.
Coach out on the field at night, overseeing lightbulb replacement on the scoreboard. Buddy drives up on the field in his huge SUV and lumbers out. He's there to give Coach a heads up that he's going to be getting a call from the Athletic Administration -- apparently they are investigating Luke's huge hit on Crawford last week as there's been a safety complaint. Coach is pissed, "What the hell? It was a clean hit." Buddy tells him that he knows and commiserates over these bureaucrats trying to cover their asses. And let me say, this little dose of Buddy Garrity really makes me miss this guy. Come back to us Buddy!
Commercials. History Department Mixer at UT. Julie wanders around all lonely like until she hears someone shouting football type shouts at a television playing a game. And it's cool-guy Derek Bishop, hanging out all alone in a weird little TV cubbie area, yelping while watching a rerun of an old football game on ESPN. Oh, this guy is like THE PINNACLE, don't you think? With his button-downs and graduate student indigentness and ridiculous enthusiasm while watching a game he already knows the outcome of? Good lord, get this girl to the English Department! There's at least interesting eyewear over there.
Anyway, Julie sort of leans against the doorway and says "Classic game. 36 throwback?" Derek barely looks at her when he says that yes, it is classic, but there's no throwback here. Julie's like, no, there's a throwback here. He tells her that she's wrong and they chat a bit. She tells him that her dad's a high school football coach, and Derek repeats, "Yeah, there's no throwback in this game." Julie repeats, "There is a throwback" and walks off. And because Derek is the COOLEST, he yells after the 19-year-old girl, "You're wrong!!!!"
Girls' bathroom at East Dillon. Porn Mouth is looking in the mirror wondering how to make her O-face even sluttier. Jess comes in and asks her whether she doesn't think that putting her panties in a locker of a boy she barely knows is demeaning. Jess wonders what it says about her that she would do such a thing and Porn Mouth replies, in her best Jerry Springer argumentative mode, "It means I'm going to have your man within two weeks." Porn Mouth tries to leave but Jess blocks her way and it quickly devolves right into Porn Mouth's audience's favor: hair-pulling girl fight! In a high school bathroom nonetheless! Is Ron Jeremy behind this?
Cut to Jess in Tami Taylor's office. Tami is like, "Seriously?" Jess starts in on who started it, but Tami cuts her off. Jess explains that it's the stupid rally girl stuff "cuz I think it's demeaning for her to put her panties in my boyfriend's locker" and Tami makes what is, to me, the single misstep of her entire televisual life here, she just shakes her head and says "It's just part of Texas football." Jess gets a little quiet and tells Tami, "The thing is, I'm someone who loves Texas football." She explains that her father played, her brothers play, she enjoys helping Vince get better at the game. "I love the game, I understand it." Yes to Jess! Tami tells her that she'll come up with some way for Jess to work this offense off, and she won't be fighting again.
Out in the hallway, the East Dillon anti-Homework Club teachers hang around shooting the shit. Tami kind of lurks up next them, "Hey, y'all!" and Laurel says that she caught them talking about happy hour. Tami just sort of sad-happily remarks, "Oh, y'all do a happy hour?!" and someone says yes and tells her where and then there's this pause and finally Laurel invites her. Tami doesn't commit, but says she'll try, and then leaves. Laurel watches her leave and then turns back to her pals and jokes that if Tami comes someone better buy her a drink. People are so awful.
Luke, in the locker room, reads off a newspaper about the inquiry about his hit and all the boys complain that all this stuff about the inquiry and the rankings are all a conspiracy. Coach comes in, but before he can start talking, Vince stands up and asks Coach whether or not it bothers him that nobody seems to be respecting them. Coach stares him down big time and then says "With all due respect, Vince, I don't give a piss what you feel." He assures them that the inquiry is no big deal and then shouts, "One day at a time, one game at a time" and they all respond "Yes, sir."
Coach makes his way over to the Panther field to say hi to Coach Mac. They go over and sit on the bleachers and Mac tells Coach that of course East Dillon isn't ranked, Coach Taylor is an outsider now. He gives him the lowdown on who's behind the inquiry into Luke's hit -- it's not the league behind it, it's some guy named Jim over at Crawford. So it's pure payback. Coach is taken aback, and even though he's in full hair-and-face lockdown with his hat and sunglasses, we can tell that he's trying to comprehend the size of the mountain he has to lead his team over. Mac leans back and jokes that they're still going to kick East Dillon's asses this year. Coach says that for twenty bucks and a shot, he's on.
Commercials. Tami and Coach are in Julie's room. Coach is staring at a bunch of cables in his hand, trying to figure out how to hook a TV or cable box or something up. Tami sighs that she's just not ready to turn Julie's room into an office. I wonder why Julie didn't take her Liars poster to UT with her; it could help her with the black-frame glasses crowd. Tami tells Coach about getting invited to happy hour with the teachers. She complains that they won't help her out at school, but decides that she's going to go to start making some allegiances. Coach agrees and launches into a very cute, stilted speech about how happy hour is a happy place and it is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. Then he leans in and starts getting smoochy, which Tami falls for for a second before popping up, "Oh, no, that is our daughter's bed, are you crazy?!"
At school, Tami finds Epyck smoking in the bathroom. Tami grabs the cigarette out of her mouth and tells her that she's taking her to class. When Epyck complains, Tami snarks, "Wanna hold my hand?" Cut to them walking through the hallway, Epyck surprised because the last guidance counselor didn't care if she went to class. Tami: "Well, I care." Tami tells her that she expects to have her and one parent in a meeting within 48 hours. Epyck guffaws, tells her that it is unlikely that her foster mother will give a shit what Tami wants. They stop outside the door to Epyck's classroom and Tami gives her the real serious business: "If you don't have someone at home who cares about you, I am sorry about that. You don't deserve that, it's not fair." Epyck just stares back for a while and then heads back into class. Oh, girl, you don't know it yet but you just got TAYLORED. From now on, it's going to be love and expectation and nurturing. Sorry, can't help you there.
Coach, in the hearing, watches Luke's hit on video and asserts that this is a good, clean, honest hit. The other guys say that he was leading with his helmet. Coach suggests that maybe, just maybe this whole charade is taking place because East Dillon beat a team it wasn't supposed to beat. He notes that the complaint didn't come in for two days. The board, or whatever they are, just stonewall him and say "It's a safety issue, we have to send a message." Coach: "Boy, I got your message loud and clear."
Crazy teen party again, this time with beer funneling! Porn Mouth gets it done, which is no surprise. She tries to get Becky to go but Becky says that she doesn't "do beer." Porn Mouth does pretty much anything, i