Tyra's awesome stripper sister delivers the best monologue of the episode to a beer-punchy Riggins, sprawling on the couch, about this new bitch at the strip club dancing to "Devil Went Down To Georgia," which is Mindy's signature song, so she offered to kick her ass, because she dances in boots and chaps and a thong, like, the very costume that would provide the most ass-kicking range of motion. I love the stripper sister, but I like to think about all the people that made sure Tyra wouldn't turn into her sister, because I am proud of them, because Tyra is wonderful. She walks into the room, lit from behind, in her work uniform, looking like a captain in the Sexy Police, with a righteous anger in her eyes. She looks so awesome it's like a cartoon. Tyra marches Tim into the kitchen and warns Tim in a chilling voice that he will not be screwing Mindy. "I know you like to create havoc wherever you go, but do not screw Mindy. That's my line. Don't cross it." Tim, who is awesome in his own right, slides two feet to the left of what she's saying to look at -- and fuck with -- what she's actually saying: "Okay. How's Landry doing?" Tyra doesn't even bother to respond to that one, even though it was an excellent, if slightly cheap, shot. "Hour 36 of 48. Tick tock."
Smash and his mother sit in the parlor with a Mr. Gordon, representing the historically black college Whitmore University. I'm sure this is going to go...well. (I was going to say "smashingly," right there, but I caught myself.) Smash explains that he's mostly only interested in football, and not the guy, and the guy's like, "Well, we don't offer athletic scholarships. But we do offer academic ones." Should Smash enroll, he could play football and get an awesome education. Of course, what he's really saying is that Smash could save their team, because every single recruiter has an angle, but at least his angle means well and would help Smash create an actual life. He jokes about how great it would be to end up on a team that was 2-9 last season, with zero drafted, and Mama's offended, but the guy's like, "You are going to get other offers," trying to work with him. Smash does his awful Smash thing about "you know that's right" and all that stuff, and the guy tries to explain that the next four years will determine his entire life, and Smash is like, "Exactly. I will go pro in three, so don't waste your time." The grownups are worried about him, but I'm kind of on his side this time, because he has the chance to be gigantic -- that's not a delusional opinion, it's a fact -- and hedging his bets would make him really resentful if it didn't come together.