Matt knocks on Car-low-ta's door and tries to apologize for Lauren coming over. She tells him to just go to bed.
Smash, flanked by a number of convictions-in-waiting, walks around a seriously insane frat party. At one point a pair of bare female legs being held up during a keg stand block our view of the main action. Smash tells Wife Beater, Manslaughter, and Bestiality that they can call off the dogs, he's going to sign with them. They reward him by letting him pick out whoever he wants. He zeroes in on a beauty in a bikini and we cut to them in the dorm room gettin' nekkid. Some knocking at the door that Smash tries to wave off but then this lovely lady barks out that Latrell better take his drunk ass home. Smash is like La-who? and then the hijinks ensure, Latrell Kennedy busting in the door and chasing Smash, in just socks and boxer shorts all over the dorm, out the door, over the fence. Latrell calls after him that he'd better find another school to go to. And if you were to tell me that this was all just a cynical ploy to get Smash in his boxer shorts I would say: thank you.
Early morning, Smash sits with his head in his hands under a highway exchange. Matt drives up so apparently Smash found a payphone and called collect, much to Carrot Top's anachronistic joy. Matt can barely contain himself, asking Smash how it all was, whether it was really like Cabo in his pants. Cut to the boys driving down the highway, chomping on some fries, Smash laughing at himself saying he's never run so fast in his life. Matt laughs and then asks Smash if he knows a good way to break up with somebody. Smash claims to have never broken up with someone, and when Matt tries to call him on that lie, he explains that what he does is just tell the girl he wants an open relationship, and then the girl reliably gets so pissed that she breaks up with him and he comes out smelling like roses. So, I guess this is how Waverly got disposed of? This or maybe she's in the trunk of a car somewhere?
Tami peeks in Julie's room and finds Shelly deep in whispered communion with the upset teen. Shelly joins Tami in the kitchen; Julie walks out and thanks her aunt and ignores her mother. Julie leaves, and Shelly tells Tami that Julie is really upset. Tami snaps that she doesn't need a mediator, and then Shelly tries to make Tami see that for once she is in the wrong here. Tami points out that Shelly only knows Julie's side of the story and then drags Shelly's barren uterus into it: "Frankly, you're not a mother, so..." Shelly gets up, pissed at Tami's tired line, and then tries another approach. She asks Tami how she would have felt if their mom had done that to her. This finally gets through to Tami and she answers, "Mortified."