Cut to Lyla driving down the road, windows of her beater open, belting out the lyrics to this terrible song. And it wouldn't be right if she were belting out the lyrics to a good song. I can't express to you how much I love this scene and its terrible music and the wind in the hair and the white tee and all that and, yes, it probably has something to do with some primal Alanis Morissette experience I had as a teen. So anyway, Lyla is screaming along when suddenly, her little beater of a car makes a horrible clanging thumping noise.
Cut to the Vagina Mobile, where the ladies are screaming along to "Lady Marmalade." Grandma is BRINGING it to this whole road trip experience, full-on hand-pumping along with hitting some great "Ya! Ya!" moments during the song's chorus. But when it comes time for Xtina's soaring "Creole Lady MarmaLAAAAAAAAAAAAde!" and they all hit it with varying shouting flatness, Landry starts shaking his head and reaches for the volume dial, saying "Okay, okay, I think it's safer if we turn this down." Tyra announces, "Ladies, we just took a detour into the 'No Fun Zone,'" and then Angela announces with ear-assaulting clarity, "Shoot! We're gonna have to stop, I forgot Tampax, does anyone have one?" cuing Grandma to respond with mind-assaulting clarity, "Don't look at me, I had my last hot flash in 1990!" The ladies, as we know, love a good menopause joke, and so this one brings the house down. Grandma, we should note, has chocolate smeared all over her upper lip, and frankly, I'd put Grandma Saracen up against panty-waisted Paris Hilton for Party Girl Crown 2007. Mainly because she not only brings and delivers the menopause joke, but because she then follows it up with some fart commentary: "Wait a minute! Did somebody in here fart?!" This leads me to believe that this woman might change worlds were she allowed to dance on a few tables down in Dallas. ["On the other hand, whoever smelt it clearly dealt it, Grandma Saracen. You ain't foolin' nobody." -- Joe R]
Landry is seemingly keen on putting a screeching halt to his education in how girls are actually NOT all soft skin and long hair but are instead usually major raunch fests. He slows down the car and remarks, "Hey, isn't that Lyla Garrity?" and we cut to a shot of Lyla leaning against her broke-ass car. Tyra can be heard gleefully remarking that she likes the idea of Lyla Garrity, "daughter of the car king" being stranded. Landry starts backing up to go see if she's okay, and Tyra protests. Landry says it wouldn't be Christian to leave her. Meanwhile, Lyla has scurried over toward Landry's car. Tyra brightly says "Hi, cheating cheerleader bitch!" and Lyla turns to leave. Angela, ever the role model, cackles like a crazy woman. Landry insists that Tyra get out to see if Lyla needs a ride. Tyra whinges and moans about it, but when Grandma urges her along, she gets out with door-slamming drama.