Commercials. Tami walks into Julie's room and sits on her bed. Tami tells her that she and Eric will always love her no matter what, and then asks Julie point blank: did you really swerve the car to avoid hitting a dog? Julie, to her miniscule credit, comes clean and says no, that it was a stupid, stupid decision and she'll pay for the damage. Tami interrupts and says that this isn't about the money, this is about the choices that Julie is making. Julie robot-responds in therapy speak about how her choices have not been the best, and then launches into a wonderfully teen-y spiel about how she jumped into this whole "college" thing too soon and maybe she should go to Europe and travel some instead. Tami interrupts again and tells her "Honey, honey, NO. You are not running away from anything. You are an adult right now. You need to think about your choices and take responsibility for them." Julie is clearly looking for the kind of adulthood that allows for guiltless sordid affairs, pretentious embrace of "travel," and bad choices. Julie, get yourself up here to NYC!
Speaking of bad choices... Mindy and Becky are at the Cowgirl Stripper shop. Becky is complaining about how she didn't even get to talk to Tim for even ten minutes. Mindy reminds her that he's in prison, not a dorm. Mindy suggests that Becky focus her energy elsewhere. "You know. Relieve some tension. With someone." Becky continues to look blank until Mindy hisses, "Sexxxx." Heeee. Mindy grins like a maniacal stripper and suggests that Becky go for that cute cowboy Luke. How convenient! Becky just tells Mindy that she already has "been there" and it didn't turn out so great. Mindy asks if they dated and Becky is like "Not exactly." She fails to explain how they participated in a ratings-bating abortion plot together. Anyway, Mindy says Becky should have a boyfriend... or twelve. Becky holds up a purple bedazzled swimsuit for Mindy, who awesomely declares, "No. Rhinestones make me look trashy."
Lions football field. Luke gets flattened on the field and Billy shouts at him. Luke snarks something about "The Kingmaker" that either goes over Billy's head or Billy chooses to ignore. Over to the side, Crowley asks Coach what they should do to get the kids reenergized. But Coach is sapped himself and he asks Crowley to -- gasp! -- finish up practice for him. The kids watch him go like a bunch of puppies in a pet store window.
At home, Julie makes herself a grilled cheese sandwich as Coach comes home from practice. Without mincing words, Coach asks, "Did you know he was married and had a wife?" And, yeah, Julie totally fudged that part a bit in telling her parents what went down. Sure, stupid Head T.A. Derek Bishop talked a lot about how he and his wife don't love each other anymore, but there's no reason for us to believe that Julie really understood them to be separated. On the other hand: go eat a bee Head T.A. Derek Bishop. Putting 18 year olds in this position. And on the third hand, LEAVE HIM PROFESSOR LADY! Okay, so as Julie just responds to her father's question with guilty silence, he hangs his head in pain.