Friday Night Lights

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Drunken Bee: B | Grade It Now!
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One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

The Taylors are running around, passing Baby Grace off to one another like its third and ten. Tami pleads with her husband to call the party rental place. Julie walks in demanding to know whether the apple she's holding is organic. Tami does not have time for that nonsense and rattles off a bunch of things Julie and Shelly are supposed to be on top of: getting a christening dress, cleaning their rooms, et cetera. Julie tells her mom to chill out, which is actually the only guaranteed way to get moms all het up. Tami obliges, and tells Julie that Grace's christening is a big deal, that Julie's the godmother and family members are coming in from out of town.

Coach Taylor has Tim in his office. He tells the boy that he is not only the football coach, but he is also the Director of Athletics and because other sports teams at school are woefully understaffed he's looking for someone who owes him a favor, someone who's been selfish. He asks Tim if he can think of anyone like that and Tim offers Smash. Coach clenches his jaw and thanks Tim for volunteering and then tells him to start with the -- get this -- "Girls Soccer Ball Uniforms." Does he think the sport -- the most popular sport in the world? -- is called "Soccer Ball"? Tim is not pleased.

Herc! Herc is back! Jason is lying in bed while Herc is at his computer. Jason begs Herc not to show him that "Screech porn again, cuz a little piece of me dies every time..." Well, Jason, just thank God Mr. Belding isn't involved. Or is he? But Herc wants Jason to check out the dating site, Wheel-Lovers.com. "It's bona fide" he claims. Jason thinks it's gotta be all "heifers," but when Herc starts scrolling, Jason can see from where he is that it's cute girls. He launches himself out of bed and into his chair to wheel over and take a closer look. The boys natter on about camouflage panties when there's a quick knock at the door, and Jason slaps the top of the laptop closed. Mrs. Street comes in with her awful hair and haven't-had-sex-in-years facial expression and hands over a plate of carrots. Herc natters his thanks and goes on about beta carotene as she leaves. The second the door closes, just as Jason is muttering "party...time" regarding the carrots, Herc snaps, "You gotta get outta here."

Buddy brags about Santiago's stats to one of his car salesmen, while they watch the boy wipe down a car. Santiago is silent as the salesman asks if he's the second coming, if he's going to make it rain fumbles. Santiago stares blankly as Buddy declares that he's going to play a lot this Friday night.

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Friday Night Lights

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