Friday Night Lights

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | Grade It Now!
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One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

Matt and Smash are at work when Carlotta comes in. Smash rushes over and immediately starts trying to work her. But she asks for Matt, who then apparently speaks some sort of code to Smash, telling his friend to go "make me a rocket launcher with jimmies, please?" Smash smiles and claps his hands and hightails it away from the counter. Tapioca pudding? Snackwells? Rocket launchers with jimmies? That last treat sounds a little more appropriate for Nate and Chuck on Gossip Girl than Matt and Smash, but I guess teens are always up for whatever. Carlotta tells Matt that Grandma was in a "burger mood," but he tells her he doesn't believe her, she wanted to come see him. Smash returns with the sundae and hands it to Carlotta who declares that she won't be able to eat it. Won't be able to put that whole rocket launcher in her mouth. Then Matt says he'll go "work on Grandma's burger," and...hold on a minute. What in tarnation are these Hollywood perverts trying to pull over on us?

Smash follows Matt to the back and can barely keep his rocket launcher in his pants: "That's the girl that's been living in your house? It's your graduation day, fool!" But then Smash's rocket launcher comes back down to earth a little and he tells Matt that this situation is so good it can't last, because there are no rules to it. He declares that women like boundaries, so Matt needs to set some. Matt says that Carlotta is different (read: brown), but Smash insists on the boundaries.

Oh God. Tyra and Landry sit on her back steps, holding hands. These two are such DOWNERS. Just GET OVER YOUR MURDER and get back to slutting around like teenagers. GOD! Landry needs Tyra to tell him honestly if she was in fear for her life. She says she was, looking him directly in the eyes. Lots of overdramatic "if you hadn't been there" nonsense which, frankly, I've recapped ten million times already so let's focus on something I haven't remarked on yet: Adrienne Palicki has the greatest moles on her face. So cute with her complexion.

Buddy and Santiago drive; Buddy asks Santiago if he's ready for the game tonight. Santiago starts to burst, wondering under his breath what the point of all of this is. Why, Santiago, the point is to learn how to channel your rage at society's injustices into completely non-effective sporting violence! I thought you knew! He explodes on Buddy, shouting that Buddy doesn't know anything about him -- he's not his pops. "You're just some foul white guy who wants to make himself feel better." Wow, the Dr. Freud Diagnostic Award goes to Santiago this episode. He continues, yelling that he doesn't need anything from Buddy anymore, not the job, not the place to live, not football. Buddy pulls over, and Santiago goes to get out but Buddy stops him with some tremendous fatherly authority. Buddy Garrity is back, folks! He tells Santiago that if he wants to go back to that cafeteria eating off of plastic with two hundred guys going nowhere, he can go right away. He tells him that tonight Santiago has the opportunity to accept a challenge, to become part of a team and that if he doesn't do it tonight he'll never do it his whole life. Well, Buddy, I think that might be overstating the case a bit. He tells Santiago that he's on his way to the field and that Santiago can get out if he wants. He doesn't. But he does spit, "I hate you," which really makes one feel like home, you know?

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Friday Night Lights

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