Lyla is putting her boots on to get ready for another day of Stomping Out Sin when her mom comes in with her Kicked Mah Man To The Curb sleek post-Buddy bob and sits down. She asks Lyla to guess who just got engaged and Lyla literally has not a clue in the world. "Who?" she asks, and Pam extends her left hand toward Lyla and says, "Me!" Oh no! To the health-food-store twat? Mr. Tofu Scramble himself? Lyla tears up, puts a mask of a smile on her face, and tells her mom congratulations. Except her well wishes are mitigated by the fact that she jerks her face away from her mother's attempted cheek caress. Burn, lady!
On The National Geographic Channel, two warring factions of chimps are busy peeing on separate areas of macadam out in front of a high school. Wait, what? It's Dillon High, and the Larrabee football goofs are getting off the bus while the Dillon Panthers watch. Meanwhile, Coach is getting interviewed so that he can exposit that Larrabee and Dillon are district rivals. So this cohabitation is going to see some antler-locking on the parts of the hormonal boys. And speaking of hormones: what kind of crazy industrial-farming hormones have the Larrabee boys been eating? They are all seriously fugly. This fact is not lost on the Dillon pretty boys (who may as well have emerged straight out of Herb Ritts's dreams). They point out one dude with ridiculous hair and a sallow, meaty face: "Look at the one with the hair" -- before Santiago jumps in with the incredulous observation, "What, does he got a twin?" The repartee is smoothly finished by Smash Williams, who declares, "Yeah, from the wrong end of the gene pool." Don't worry, Larrabee, I hear Bunim-Murray is casting right now; all you have to be able to do to get on one of their shows is be able to blow yourself. Coach continues interviewing, saying that as long as Coach Dickie (get it? get it?) doesn't stir things up, they're happy to host the rival team. Cut back to the boys, where Smash gets in another zinger about the be-froed one: "What is this, Napoleon Dynamite?" Then the Dillon boys go a little quiet as a particularly missing-link-looking motherfucker walks by. Apparently it's Larrabee's QB1.
In the cafeteria there are a lot of embarrassing hand gestures being thrown, accompanied by an even more embarrassing repeated utterance of the word "dog" in reference to the other guy. Landry and Tyra are eating and Landry wonders if they are the Sharks or the Jets. Tyra doesn't know what he's talking about so he tries to explain: West Side Story, two rival gangs, town's not big enough for the both of them. Tyra doesn't care. Which is the way I like her. Hear that? I prefer when Tyra is busy not caring about Landry and instead marching around BEING AWESOME. They have some cute repartee which Landry misinterprets as an invitation to hold Tyra's hand. Like he's in kindergarten. Tyra pulls away and glances around to see if anyone noticed. Landry just thinks that now the whole murder thing is over, that maybe they could, you know... Tyra unconvincingly explains that she's just in a bad mood and then gets up and leaves.