Over on Lifetime, Tyra sits just beyond a room papered in hideously-oppressive black-and-white plaid, trying to do some homework, while her mom and Bob scream at each other in another room. Their argument is totally nonsensical, but very loud and heated. Bob screams that people leave her because she drives people crazy, and then hauls off and backhands her across the face. Tyra immediately gets up with a "hell, no" look on her face, grabs a fire poker, and goes after Bob. He scrambles and runs all over the room; she's right on his tail, and it seems like she connects a few times. Tyra screams for him to get out of the house, finally gets him cornered, and gives him a few whacks before losing her grip on the weapon. Bob quickly takes it up and raises it at her. While Tyra's mom screams shrilly in the background, Tyra just says quietly and lowly, "Do it. Do it," staring Bob down until he drops the poker and storms out the door. Dude, this girl could take Tori Spelling with both hands tied behind her back.
At the Taylor house, Coach and Tami sit quietly, Coach watching football, Tami doing some reading, some soft jazz on in the background. Julie shuffles in the room and Tami turns to say "Hey, babe" to her daughter. Julie squeaks, "I love you guys. And you guys are the best parents in the world. Good night." Coach turns to his wife with the smarmiest grin on his face, and his hair just oozing "Job Well Done." Cut to Tami, who looks concerned as she tells her husband, "No, honey, somethin' terrible must have happened!" and gets up to run to her daughter. Never in the history of television have Venus and Mars been played off one another so successfully. Except, perhaps, Bosom Buddies.
Cut to the Taylors gathered at the bar between the kitchen and living room, Julie telling her parents what a hellish situation Matt is in at home. She looks down, and says his home life, combined with school, and work, and football, "I feel like...I feel like it's just gonna crush him." Coach responds with a semi-demented gesture of reassurance, "Nothin's gonna crush Matt Saracen. He's like a little stinkbug, you can't crush him. He's tough." Tami confirms her daughter's concerns, though, and tells her daughter to have Matt come see her at school. Which wouldn't be awkward at all, I'm sure. Your girlfriend's hot mother counseling you on time management? Julie goes off to bed, thanking her mom and telling her she's the best. Coach calls after his daughter, "Hey, what about me? What do you mean she's the best?" These two are quickly starting to rival the Huxtables as the imaginary people I most hope to emulate should I ever have kids.