It's been eight months, though at first you might not notice it. The kids are all gathered at the community pool, doing what they do: hanging out and ogling one another. Matt looks longingly at lifeguard Julie, as she looks longingly at alpha-lifeguard "the Swede." Smash is still being Smash (mainly interested in looking longingly at himself); Tim's busy captaining what Matt calls "the S.S. Ta-Tas," while Tyra basically ignores Landry looking, longingly, at her. Pretty much none of the teens, however, looks longingly at what next comes hobbling into view: Tami's pregnant belly, the perfect visual reminder of what happens when looking turns to touching, kids. Julie is horrified, and tells her mom as much, but Tami is lonely and very pregnant and it's hot and she needs to float in a pool, while maybe just maybe, getting some dish on the Swede. Just as she eases herself into the pool, her water breaks, and the sequence following -- Eric trying to contain himself on the flight back to Dillon from Austin; Julie holding her mom's hand as she labors and Eric rushing in just in time -- is really beautiful. The birth is as beautiful as it is thematic, because after the first commercial break, we viewers get thrust headlong into some jarring plot points. Lyla's been born again (as in, dunked in the holy river waters). Coach lives in Austin training a team no one watching this show cares about, while a new coach I haven't bothered to remember the name of seems to be wreaking havoc on the Panthers. Tim's a drunk mess. Tami starts to crumble under the pressure of nursing a newborn and a sullen teen on her own. And -- sigh-- I have to address it: Landry and Tyra accidentally kill the man who tried to rape her last season. And then seem to possibly dump his body in a swift-running river. Yes. That's what happened. And I wish right now I could shout "In Oppositetown!" but I can't. Let's just see how it develops.
Open on a shot of the wide-open blue Texas sky, a football flying through the air. T. Rex's "Bang A Gong" plays; the football falls through the sky accompanied by the song's jaunty guitar, and we follow it as it falls right into the hands of a shirtless boy leaping through the air and falling beautifully right into a crystalline pool. The camera pulls back and starts ranging around the pool in slow motion. Tim Riggins floats on a raft wearing aviators and a straw cowboy hat, flanked by lovely ladies; Smash holds court in the shallow end. Matt Saracen sits at the side of the pool with Landry, looking intently across at Julie, who is smoking hott in a red lifeguard one-piece. Julie, chin tucked coyly, doesn't return Matt's gaze, but instead watches another lifeguard as he walks in slow motion toward her, smiling.
Matt wonders aloud to Landry why Julie is "staring at him like that" and says since she's his girlfriend and all, she shouldn't be "lookin' at Swedish people" so much. Intrigue! Who is this dark brunet Swede?! Landry tells Matt that he just needs to ask himself: "WWRD -- what would Riggins do?" Matt is quick to point out that Riggins would not even be in this situation: "Riggins is captain of the S.S. Ta-Tas over there." Please note that, as Matt gestures toward Riggins floating around in his own personal Lady Boat, he does so using a pool noodle that's been wrapped in a knot. Aw, Matt, are you trying to indicate something to us? Landry nods in agreement, observing in amazement that Riggins has probably slept with half the girls in their school, "Not to mention some of their moms...and sisters." Hey, I've seen Ole' Sis. I'm not so sure that's gold-star material there.
Smash calls over to Matt with the usual SmashTalk -- "Just ride my coattails this season." Matt responds with only a sarcastically goofy grin back at Smash, but Landry calls out "Hey Smash!" clearly just trying to curry favor. Matt asks Landry why he's such a tool; as Landry stutters in response, he's stopped short in his own inarticulate stuttering when he catches a glimpse of -- we see as the camera swings around -- Tyra Collette, in a teeny bikini, pushing up a deep red Rocket Pop and sucking on it in slow motion. Let me join Landry in observing: "Ooooh, myyyy, Gooooddd."
Matt follows Landry's wagging tongue and remarks, "Never gonna happen," a sentiment with which Landry sweetly, but unconvincingly, disagrees. Matt talks over Landry's stuttering, wondering if that is why he's trying out "for the team." What?! Landry is trying out for the football team? Oh, Lord. The slow-motion camera of teenage lust continues moving around sensuously. That is, until it picks up in its sights one Tami Taylor, looking hot in aviators and a little white cover-up. The boys glance in her direction, almost as if they're looking for another hot girl in a bikini to ogle. Except Tami? Is clearly eight months pregnant.