Landry and Tyra walk toward some shady little country grocery jabbering about junk food. But Tyra turns on her heel, saying she can't go in because the Collette account is a little overdue. Oh, God. The crickets are chirping ominously, and the handheld camera is practically shouting "NBC EXECUTIVES, DON'T MAKE US DO THIS!" Tyra calls Landry her knight in shining armor as he goes into the store. A spooooky red sedan pulls up behind Tyra. Landry is inside, smiling to himself, while Tyra waits outside for her season's storyline to go straight down the tubes.
The creep walks right up to her, asking how the movie is, and adding, "Man, if I was on the couch with you, there's no telling what I would've done." Oh my God, this is all so late '90s. I'm calling you...from inside the house, reee reee reee reee! The guy sweats his way toward her, grabbing her and throwing her against a pole just as Landry comes out of the store. He sees what's happening, drops his bags, and runs toward them. There's a struggle, and Landry gets chucked to the side. The guy saunters off, calling out that he's going to be back for Tyra. Landry gets up, finds a metal pipe in his hand, and runs after the guy. Thwack one, the guy stumbles. Thwack two, and the guy is totally deadski.
Okay. Can we stop right here? This? I could be okay with as a ratings ploy. A threatened manslaughter conviction, lots of tears, et cetera. I could go along with that. What I cannot go along with, however, is that these two decide, rather than calling the police, to instead lug the nearly dead body of this jerk into the backseat of Landry's nerdmobile.
So both Landry and Tyra are crying and desperate and you will be hard-pressed to convince me that they are in this state for any other reason than the complete and utter screwed-the-poochness of their storyline. They get in the car, and Landry sits in the back with the body while Tyra drives and cries. Landry swears and then says that the guy has stopped breathing. He's dead. Tyra stops the car on a bridge. They get out and wander around desperately for a bit. Landry gets out his cell phone to call his dad -- HIS DAD -- who is a cop -- A COP. But Tyra grabs the phone out of his hands and cries some more. And Landry cries some more. And for once in the history of the universe, I am not crying along with the show. The two seem to suddenly notice they are on a bridge, over water, and Tyra nods her head yes. Landry says they can't, but Tyra says they can't do anything else. So we end on a shot of swiftly running water. May as well have been a shot of the swiftly running water of a flushed toilet.