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Half the Man He Used to Be
special Mac/Windows combo laptops aren't cheap, you know!

Then an aerial shot of the Statue of Liberty flips us over into the other universe, where Col. Broyles is arriving at Liberty Island to meet with Walternate, who's got Fauxlivia's typewritten message in his hands as he talks to alt-Brandon. In addition to Walter's other evil qualities, he apparently doesn't consider the environment before printing messages received from the other universe.

Brandon notes that Fauxlivia hasn't completed her mission yet, but Walternate says they can't worry about that right now and need to provide her with an extraction point.

Brandon points out that last time they had to swap an entire steel bridge with him on it, and a grouchy Walternate tells him the principle is the same: "You simply need to narrow the harmonic field to focus on something smaller. A single person. We'll use the girl. I've gotten all we need from her and obviously they have equivalent mass," he says. Well, that may depend on whether Fauxlivia has discovered KFC's Double Down. Never mind the change in mass; she might not even want to come home.

Brandon: "Alive or dead?" Walter gets what he means right away but doesn't respond, so Brandon makes it clearer: "How do you want to send back their Olivia? Alive or dead?" Brandon says there are very valuable parts for him to study, and he would just have to replace her mass. Even Walternate seems vaguely horrified by this as he stares at Brandon.

And then we're with Col. Broyles outside Walternate's office, waiting. Dr. Giggles strolls out and weirdly smirks as he walks by: "He's ready for you," says Brandon.

Inside, Walternate tells Broyles that someone helped Olivia get past their patrols onto the island. Yeah! It was a nervous cab driver who's scared of water who'd never been to Liberty Island before. That's how easy it was. Broyles looks vaguely nervous as Walternate rambles on: "Whoever the traitor is, they don't understand our goals: to save the world from destruction. Our people. Our families." He gets to the part of his diatribe about how their world has been breaking apart for the past twenty years because of what they did (in his defence, he's not actually wrong about that). He says, though, that with what they've discovered about how Olivia crosses over, they are about to turn the tide. "Only one world can survive. And finally we have made strides so that it can be ours," he says, handing Broyles a scotch, and adds that their Olivia will be returning shortly, her mission over there a success (which isn't what Brandon just said).

Anyway, Broyles toasts her safe return, and then afterwards, he's walking down a corridor when Olivia is dragged, screaming, from her room by a couple of burly orderlies. She spies Broyles and starts screaming for help at him, and he just looks at her, horrified, as she's dragged away.

Back in our universe, in Walter's lab, Astrid and Peter watch video on Fauxlivia's laptop of Olivia being debriefed by Broyles, telling him that the Bishop boys have been very helpful. "So this is how she learned about us," says Peter (when in reality she probably rented a Dawson's Creek box set). Then he asks Astrid if there's anything in there about how Fauxlivia communicates with the other side. There's nothing, though, just Olivia's debriefs, files on all their cases.

And then Walter comes in, distraught because he hasn't figured out a way to cross over despite four hours of meditation and a two-gram dose of "Brown Betty," which if I'm not mistaken is the only one of Walter's recreational drug preferences to have an actual episode named after it. On the other hand, he is hungry, and goes right for one of those boxes of pastries that Fauxliva started bringing Walter when she realized that Olivia was actually NICE to people.

Broyles comes in to tell everyone that so far they've recovered seventeen pieces of Walternate's doomsday device, but Fauxlivia used her clearance at 5:30 this morning to access the aircraft hangar where they're being stored and stole one of them. Broyles shows them a picture of what looks kind like a metal football with a depression cleaving it in two across the seams.

"Well, that explains why she's here. Walternate couldn't find all the pieces to the machine on the other side. So he must have sent her over to retrieve it," says Peter, adding that Fauxlivia may now be going home, which is concerning for two reasons: Now Walternate may be able to complete his device, and two, if they lose Fauxlivia, they lose their chance to get Olivia back. And three, Fauxlivia's alternate-universe sexiness, but no one brings that up.

Broyles asks Walter if he's got any idea on how Fauxlivia would cross back, and Walter's blank on that too, and he's stuffing his face with one of the pastries that she brought him: "It's all because of that temptress! She tricked my son with her carnal manipulations and he fell right into her vagenda!" Yes, in case you're not sure you heard right, Walter just said "vagenda." Astrid can't believe her ears either. And I'm told Hidden Vagenda is the name of a Kimya Dawson album. I didn't think I could find her any more annoying, but I guess I was wrong. And I highly doubt Walter's a fan. Anyway, Walter blames himself, too: "She used my stomach to get through to my heart." It's Astrid who notices that the bakery address is in the Bronx, even though Fauxlivia always supposedly brought these back when she went to the Federal building. "Why would she go there?" Peter figures she knows someone there, and so the team is off.

Back at Typset Antiques, the magic typewriter is rattling off a message, which Fauxlivia picks up and reads. We don't get to see what it says, but Fauxlivia gives a half-smile, and back out in the main shop, she tells the shopkeep that if he wants his new legs, there's one more thing she needs him to do. She puts a metal box on the counter.

The team arrives at the bakery and they decide to split up to search the neighbourhood to see if anyone's seen Fauxlivia. Walter volunteers to start with the pastry shop, so that's him done for the rest of the afternoon.

It's Peter who winds up in Typset Antiques, showing a picture to the store owner who a little too casually says he's never seen Fauxlivia. Peter's suspicious, and the store owner isn't exactly convincing, so Peter starts having a look around. "Typewriters, huh? Seems like kind of a high-rent area to be selling something so retro," he says, and the owner says that people come from all over the city (yeah, the shop is absolutely teeming) because he specializes in hard-to-find stuff. Then Peter spots something on a table: "Yeah, I can see that. I can also see my computer right here," he says, holding it up.

And the next thing we know, the owner is showing Peter, Broyles and Walter into the back room, explaining that they promised him new legs. The team checks out the special typewriter, and Broyles is all, "Fuckin' magic typewriter, how does it work?" and the owner says he doesn't know. Walter looks at it and says, "It's a quantum entangled telegraph!" which could communicate between universes, and I totally think Walter is talking out of his ass right here, and Peter yanks out the ribbon to see if they can read anything, and sure enough: "WELL DONE. INITIATE.PHASE TWO/NEEDED.PENN STATION.NEWARK.NJ" is what we can see.

Back over to the alternate world now, where Col. Broyles is having a beer in a bar while a television shows a huge sinkhole in the East River. The screen lets us know that this is the 20th anniversary of the East River vortex, and that Roy Orbison song "You Got It" is playing, only it's slowed down and a different person is singing, a voice that seems to evoke John Lennon -- maybe he's alive in this universe. Broyles downs his beer and gets up to pay, but the bartender tells him his money's no good here: "Times are tough. It's nice to know we have heroes," he says, and Broyles ponders this and says "Thank you." Hey, moral qualms aside, free beer, right?Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6Next





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