Neither Here Nor There

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Daniel: A- | Grade It Now!
I've Just Seen a Face

Hartford, Conn., now, where Agent Lincoln Lee -- smartly attired in a suit and in those glasses he wears, looking like a attractive man with perfect vision who likes to put on glasses for a laugh, that adorable bastard. Some of us need glasses! He raps on the door of a well-appointed home and impatiently checks his watch. The door is opened by a man in a shirt and underwear with a bagel stuffed in his gob, excusing his not-ready-yetness on the toaster for "acting up," and then we get one of those scenes of domestic chaos where two children start climbing all over Lincoln Lee, who they're very excited to see, and then everyone talks about toast for like an hour as if Quentin Tarantino were writing an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, and now one of the kids is shoving a box with air-holes poked in it in Lincoln Lee's face, and now in comes the mom to shoo everyone on their way, and Lincoln Lee is still being snotty about Danzig (played by Joe Flanigan, who was in Stargate: The Next Generation or whatever if that means anything to anyone), who is pointing out that sarcastic people get more illnesses. They certainly get popped in the face more often. "It has something to do with negative energy," and it doesn't take a fortune-teller to know that Agent Robert Danzig is going to be dead before too long. And meanwhile he STILL doesn't have pants on. "Don't worry! We're not gonna be late!" he says.

Cut to the two agents chasing a guy up some stairs onto a rooftop. See? It was penciled in for 9:15: "Chase Bad Guys"! I knew we were going to be late! The guy they're chasing's got a gun of his own, so it's fortunate they're chasing him through one of those steamy, rusted-out and unoccupied industrial sectors of town. Not that they're shooting at each other. You have guns! They're right there! They're not going to shoot themselves!

They chase him down off the rooftops and into one of the unused warehouses that have the lights left on down the miles of corridors of utility pipes. Lee and Danzig split up, and Danzig spots someone down at the other end of the corridor.

Meanwhile, Lincoln Lee enters a room only to find a gun at his head. But he quickly steps aside and disarms the guy (even as a shot is fired off) and knocks him down and handcuffs him to a table. "Robert, he's down!" yells Lee, but there's no reply, which doesn't mean that Robert is dead or anything HE'S TOTALLY DEAD.

Lee goes off looking for him, and eventually finds him, lying on the ground, under another dude with purplish, translucent skin crouching by him who's startled by Lee's approaching. There's a spark and some kind of crackling noise and Translucent Man hurls himself through a nearby window and half-jumps, half-flies down through another window on a lower floor in the building opposite. Lee, not able to fly in this universe (not in the other universe either, right? I forget. It's been a few months), decides not to launch himself out the window and instead goes back to check on Danzig. He's fine, except for that he's dead and his face appears to be crystallizing. C'mon, creampuff, get up. Walk it off.

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