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Daniel: B | Grade It Now!
Whatever People Say She Is, That's What She's Not
nd starring John Noble as 'Walternate'" while he swivels around in his chair and tents his fingers and looks evil. Wouldn't that be awesome? I love it when shows have clips during the opening credits. It's like a checklist!

Near the Manhatan waterfront, Andre Royo -- one of many actors from The Wire to earn a lifetime pass from me based on his involvement in that show, nottobeoneofthosepeoplewhocan'tshutupaboutTheWireoranything -- is a cab driver (an ad on the roof exhorts us to check out the smash musical Dogs!), watching or listening to the news via a laptop, seems like, and the broadcast is going on about President Obama choosing former president John F. Kennedy to be the government's new agency aimed at slowing ecological breakdown, and I'd much rather be in Andre Royo's cab than the cab driver who took us to the airport in Vegas this summer and who started going on about what Obama's agenda was, which was, no joke, bringing about the Biblical end times, I swear to god. And Andre Royo doesn't even look up as Olivia gets in and just orders him to drive, and he says that he needs to see her "Show Me" ID, without which he can't put the car into motion.

And he finally looks into the backseat, where a stringy-haired sopping wet Olivia jams a gun in his face and asks him what his name is. It's Henry. "OK, listen, Henry. What I need you to do right now is I need you to drive." So he takes his own Show Me and uses it. Well, there's a bit of a flaw in the Show Me system then, isn't there?

Meanwhile, alt-Broyles is standing with a bunch of FBI-type people milling about the dock, and he's talking to Walternate via the alt-Bluetooth thingy in his ear. "Shore patrol says there's no way she could have made it across, that the currents are impossible this time of year." But alt-Broyles isn't wasting any time on what a bunch of pencil-pushing shore-patrol people think! "I think from what I know of Olivia Dunham, she's the one person I would bet on who could survive," he says. "Then find her," says Walternate.

Back in the cab, Henry asks the crazy lady in his backseat why she's wearing a hospital gown, and Olivia looks at the holes in her arm and then tells him about being pursued by a division of the government, which has done experiments on her and is trying to convince her that she's someone else, to the point that I'm kind of surprised that Henry just didn't say, "Sorry I asked, damn."

Olivia spots a picture of a woman and child on the dashboard, and asks if that's his family. And instead of answering, Henry says, "Look, I'm just getting my life back together. I don't know what you're doing, but the last thing I need now is any kind of trouble." I'm guessing that that answer means, in part, that one or both of the people in that picture are dead. Or one or both hate him.

Anyway, Olivia tells him that he's not in any trouble as long as he does what he's told. Then she tells him to pull over and park, and she asks for his Show Me. He gives it to her, and we learn that Henry's last name is Higgins, swear to god. 'Enry 'Iggins, innit? He lives on Hastings Street, he's 6'1" and 155 -- 155? Good god! Well, he did do a lot of heroin, I guess.

Anyway, Olivia tells him to go into the store and buy her some clothes. "I now know where you and your family live. If you alert anyone, Henry, I assure you trouble will find you." Henry says he understands and he gets out and doesn't even ask what size or season she is. My advice? Err on the side of buying clothes that are too small, which would make her less mad than the other way. He goes into a place called Stephanie's, and above the entrance a company called "Glatterflug" advertises daily trips to the moon. Yeah, on zeppelins.

Over at the Department of Defense Hospital, Agent Lincoln Lee's skin on his arms and face is all Freddy Kruegery melted-cheese-like, as he does his rehab exercises.

And then alt-Charlie comes in and says "knock knock" and Lee is all "who's there" and Charlie says "Uh, no one, 'cause you're so ugly, no one would come to your door," and how nice of Charlie to cheer up the guy who was almost burned to death. And then Lee asks the rehab nurse how Agent Francis "can tell which end of the worms living inside his body are which," and the answer is "tickles them in the middle and sees which end farts," and my initial reaction was that seemed like an awfully long walk for such a terrible punchline, but I have since reassessed and now deem it pretty good for a guy whose face looks like the icing on a toaster strudel.

Anyway, Lincoln asks after Olivia, like how long they're going to keep her there, and alt-Charlie says, "You know Olivia. She's strong. Physically, she's doing a lot better. But they're saying she had a complete psychotic break." Lee says he's heard of people losing time, and not being able to remember the day leading up to a bad car accident, but this is crazy. Oh, and how about the other Olivia, he asks. "She escaped to the other side, along with the secretary's son and the other Walter Bishop," says alt-Charlie.

Then Lee starts talking about how the other day he was eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream and "watching Tom Cruise kick some ass on television," which is weird enough (partly because "the television" was added only for our benefit -- was Lee worried alt-Charlie might think he saw Tom Cruise kicking ass in an actual street fight?), but it only gets weirder as for some reason watching Tom Cruise kick some ass ON TELEVISION made Lee think that life is "pretty good" instead of "utterly devoid of all reason or purpose." And now he looks like a cautionary tale in a safety video for an industrial chemicals company, with his string-cheese skin and his eyes as red as Tommy Chong's at 4:21 p.m.

Alt-Broyles strolls in to make everybody's day worse by telling them that Agent Dunham escaped from the facility on Liberty Island. Oh, and also he's not enjoying the new season of Glee so much. Meanwhile, I keep thinking that it might be kind of cool to be injured in such a way that I'd get to ride the human-sized gyroscope at this place.

So Henry fortunately guessed that the nutty passenger in the back of his cab prefers to dress all in black, and as Olivia gets changed, he notices a tattoo on the back of her neck, one that matches the one we saw on Fauxlivia's neck before. "Nice ink. What's it mean?" he says, and I guess Olivia's too confused by the tattoo to tell him that maybe he shouldn't be peeping in the back while she's getting changed, and she quickly figures out they must have done it to her. "She must have one. The other one must have a tattoo," she says.

And Henry's all, "The girl they're trying to make you believe you are," not believing her, and Olivia tells him not to placate her just because he thinks she's crazy, and he goes off on her: "And what would you think if I jacked your cab in a hospital gown with a gun, screaming a conspiracy, telling you I'm being chased by the government and folks are trying to make me believe I'm a tattooed version of myself?" he says, and although the answer is probably something like "I'd have broken both your arms before you finished a sentence," Olivia says she's not insane and she's not who they say she is. She looks at him pleadingly, enough so that Henry looks like he might almost believe her, and then he gently asks where they're going. "You're taking me home," she says. Jesus, that's awfully forward of her.

Over at the Defense Department hospital, alt-Broyles is telling alt-Charlie and Lee that "a delusional Fringe Division agent with sensitive, classified information is of great concern," and he doesn't have any idea where she could be. Lee starts suiting up over Broyles' and Charlie's objections. Alt-Charlie is all, "I thought you had to go back to the hyperbaric chamber!" like he's Lee's dad, and Lee says he can be out for eight hours at a time: "I got six hours left today," he says, then the dudes all nod at each other all dudely, and then Lee tells the nurse to get his "nanite wraps." Mmmmmm. Nanite

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