Episode Report Card
Daniel: A- | 1 USERS: A+
You'll Never Make a Monkey Out of Walter
ughout the file. Just lists of government employees, local cops," she says, and Broyles says they're running profiles on all of them, looking for recent changes in behaviour, anything that would suggest her having been replaced by a shapeshifter.

Olivia's ready to roll up her sleeves and sift through the data -- which is when Astrid and Broyles get all awkward with her, puzzling Olivia and Peter. "Um, it's probably not a good idea," says Astrid, and Peter's the one who figures it out first: "Because she wrote about me," he says. Broyles says some parts of the data read like a diary in which Peter is quite prominent, and I hope to god that's not a comment on the size of Peter's peter. Peter kinda looks like it might be, and he says they should get over to Massive Dynamic. Olivia's a little too thrown to argue about it, and tells Astrid to call her if she finds something.

Over at the lab, Brandon is taking a blood sample from some schmo, Special Agent Matthew Nicholas Goldin. Falcon asks if the name Michael Baird means anything to him. It does not. Agent Goldin was born in Brooklyn, he says, his face also on a computer screen that is doing all kinds of presumably lie-detecting things, being watched by Peter, Olivia, Walter and Nina, who says there are still twenty-two Massive Dynamic people to be tested as well as seven from the FBI. "So far, all the blood tests have come back negative. But that doesn't rule out the possibility of a human mole," she says. Peter and Olivia are in the "lie detectors are unreliable" camp, but Nina says this one isn't, because her precious William designed it. "It measures the slightest shift in facial muscles, which allows us a link to stress and a particular emotion. His facial muscles tell us that his stress is not connected to feelings of guilt or shame." Walter's jealous that he didn't think of it. Yeah, well, you are missing parts of your brain, Walter, so don't feel too bad.

Peter says they should keep everyone in custody until they find the leak, but Nina says she doesn't think that's practical. "Do you actually want to catch the mole, Nina?" says Peter, and everyone looks a little surprised at Peter being a bit of a dick.

Nina asks Walter if he has a moment, and the two go into Nina's office, where she tells him that she found Bell's research. "His notes suggest that he designed a retroviral serum based on your DNA that will regrow your brain tissue," she says, handing him a box helpfully labeled DNA. Giddily, he opens it, but she cautions him that Bell experimented with lab animals first, a rat and a chimpanzee, and back in the '90s, they had a small lab fire. A lab fire that was so small that it destroyed the original labels but didn't destroy the DNA samples or compromise them in any way. "I'm going to ask the lab to run diagnostics on all three. Then they should be able to tell us which one was made for you," she says, but Walter is ALREADY SNORTING a sample, much to her dismay, and he says he's snorted worse, which I can't imagine is very reassuring. "A few good whiffs and my brain should be able to begin to regrow its missing parts," he says. "And what if the serum is not based on your DNA?" she says, and Walter giggles that he'll probably get a rash, so Nina drops it and says she's worried about Peter, because he's endured a lot recently: "Maybe he should talk with someone," she says, and Walter scoffs. "What I'm trying to say is there are people that are trained to help," she adds. Walter points out that Peter is his son: "I'm the one that needs to help him," he says. Now, if you'll excuse him, he has to sniff some more chimpanzee DNA.

Over at Massive Dynamic, Peter and Olivia are watching Brandon interrogate another FBI agent, and Olivia figures this is a good time to tell Peter that she knows he slept with Fauxlivia and he's just trying to protect her. But reading about it isn't going to make it worse, and she just wants to help Astrid. Peter interrupts to tell her that he's conned people, and he knows what he would've written about them: "She must've thought that I was a fool. And I don't want you to see me like that." Feel better, Olivia? It's not concern. It's vanity!

So they go into the interrogation room, where Brandon tells them they've talked to everyone. Olivia asks about Dr. Falcon. Brandon says Falcon wasn't on the team that worked on the hard drive. "Maybe not, but he was asking questions about it yesterday at the hangar," says Olivia. So Brandon gets on the phone and asks to have Falcon sent to him, but that's not going to happen: "Dr. Falcon left work early, Brandon tells them.

That touches off an FBI raid on Falcon's home. Just once I'd like to run through a house yelling "Clear!" every time I go into an empty room.

Then they find Falcon -- lying dead on the floor, mercury pooling under his head. That's going to be a bitch to get out of the hardwood. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser my ass.

Olivia's filling in Astrid, who's talking on her cellphone by holding it out in front of her for some reason, the way people do on reality shows when they have to be on speakerphone for microphones to pick up the audio, but I can't think of any earthly reason why Astrid would be doing this. I mean, if this is a thing that people do now, then I QUIT THE HUMAN RACE. Anyway, same M.O. as Baird: two shots to the head, and his data storage unit removed. Astrid finds Falcon in a list on Fauxlivia's computer, part of a list of Massive Dynamic employees. "So if Walternate's knocking these guys off, they must know something important," she says.

Nearby, Walter says, "Damn!" and Olivia hears this, so I guess that's why they're doing the contrived speakerphone thing, and she says, "Tell Walter I feel the same," so now I'm annoyed all over again because YOU ARE ON SPEAKERPHONE, TELL HIM YOURSELF, and it reminds me of when I lived by myself and my dad would leave messages on my voicemail saying, "Tell Danny his dad called."

Anyway, Astrid explains that Walter is giving himself an IQ test, and Olivia says that Falcon's body is being shipped to the lab, so maybe he can have a look when he's done exercising his mind. She gets off the phone and tells Peter that Astrid's having no luck identifying the remaining shapeshifters. "The techs are drawing a blank too. I don't think we're gonna find anything in here that's gonna tell us who Falcon was working with," says Peter. I'd make a comment about how shifty that sounds, but really that's only hindsight because I didn't see it coming at all. But it seems so obvious by this point that I'm embarrassed to have missed it. Olivia grumbles that it feels like every time they learn something new, they're still a step behind: "If we could get to one of these shapeshifters, maybe we could finally get answers."

At the lab, Walter unzips Falcon's bodybag and asks Astrid for a bone saw, aspirator, voltmeter and a ripe banana. Astrid wryly (hopefully?) says she assumes the banana's for Walter. He says he had a sudden craving, which is odd for him, because bananas are usually his least favorite fruit. Anyway, Astrid notes that another twenty names have been cross-checked from Fauxlivia's files -- they're not shapeshifters.

Walter, seeming somewhat embarrassed, asks her if she's read all of Fauxlivia's files. "Most of them," says Astrid, and Walter wonders what Fauxlivia had to say about him. Astrid smiles: "She liked you. She thought that you were kind and brilliant," she says. Not surprisingly, being told someone thinks he's kind and brilliant puts Walter in a cheery mood. As Astrid helps Walter move Falcon into a sitting position, Walter suddenly aggressively opens his mouth wide and bares his teeth, freaking Astrid out just a little. He apologizes, and then realizes what he did: "I was displaying dominance. The serum I took, it must have been meant for a chimpanzee," he says, not exactly making Astrid less concerned about Walter growing chimp DNA in his brain. "Just a bit," says Walter. Oh, well, just a bit. He says his immune system will recognize it a

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