And then! Dany collapses with what appear to be labor pains! Oh no! Jorah calls for the midwives, but they won't come on account of they say she's cursed. He threatens to cut their heads off if they don't get out there, but that doesn't seem to work. So he picks her up and carries her toward the tent, because the witch did say she was a midwife. I thought he wasn't supposed to enter the tent!
Tyrion promises Shae he's not in agony. Which normally isn't something you have to promise people, but the camera pulls back to reveal that they're balancing candles on their arms. Then Tyrion drops his arms, which means that Shae wins, claiming to be used to pain. So Tyrion has to drink. It's a little sad that Tyrion is sitting around doing drinking games with the guy he pays to be his bodyguard and the woman he pays to be his girlfriend. Anyway, it's time for a new game! Bronn has a Braavosi knife game, but Tyrion wants fewer of the fire and knife games. He suggests a judge-of-character game, because it will let him show off how clever he is. He'll make statements about peoples' pasts. If he's right, they drink. Otherwise, he does. Shae doesn't want to play, so Tyrion starts with Bronn: "Your father beat you." Bronn drinks, saying, "But my mother hit harder." Also, he killed his first man before he was twelve? No, it was a woman. He's been north of The Wall? Yes, on "work." He loves a woman, then it went badly and he never let himself love again? Actually, Tyrion was talking about himself. Yeah, don't you hate when you're playing Truth or Dare and nobody asks you anything cool? Tyrion insists that this is all excellent fun and starts guessing about Shae's past. She doesn't want to play and denies everything. So Tyrion has to drink after guessing that her mother was a whore, that her father left when she was young and that she wanted a different life. Then she tells him not to talk about her parents. So now it's time for her to make guesses about Tyrion. Which isn't quite fair, because I think he's probably one of the most famous people in the kingdom. She'd like to know about his old love, and Bronn knows that Tyrion used to be married. Tyrion says it's not a pleasant story, but Shaae threatens to cry if she doesn't get to hear it. So here we go: when Tyrion was sixteen, out riding with Jaime, he ran across a young lady named "Tysha" who was being chased by rapers. Tyrion took her to the inn while Jaime went off in search of the baddies, and three chickens and a flagon of wine later, Tyrion had lost his fear of women and was in her bed. In the morning, he asked for her hand in marriage and they found a drunk priest who was willing to marry them right away. Then the septon sobered up and told Tywin. And Tywin had Jaime tell Tyrion that Tysha was a whore arranged by Jaime. "After my brother confessed, my father brought in my wife and gave her to his guards." She got a silver coin for each man and Tyrion had to watch. "By the end, she had so much silver that the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling onto the floor." Hmm. Poker players call that a "rough beat." Bronn says he would have killed him. Shae thinks he should have known she was a whore, because rape survivors don't ordinarily jump into bed with the first man they see. Tyrion shrugs, "As I said, I was young and stupid." Shae says, with a decent simulation of fondness, "You're still young and stupid." Kissing starts and Bronn leaves.