Tyrion is going over the final preparations with Bronn. Well he's trying, but the problem is that they've already gone over them, so Bronn knows the plans and Tyrion is just getting on his nerves. Bronn asks if Tyrion knows how to use the axe and the answer is that Tyrion once chopped some wood. Well, he watched Jaime do it. Bronn says he saw Tyrion kill a man with a shield, so he should be unstoppable with an axe. That's the spirit! They shake hands. Bronn suggests that Tyrion not get killed. Tyrion is unexpectedly touched and answers, "Nor you, my friend." Then they both realize they're friends, so they quickly make jokes to defuse the situation. Tyrion talks about how he pays Bronn money and how Bronn has an unexpectedly good vocabulary. Bronn says he's been spending time with "fancy folks" and throws in a bow that's only a little sarcastic. I like how they've brought Bronn out a bit in this episode. The story from his point of view is pretty straightforward: he defended Tyrion in the Eyrie and then got hired by him. Since then, he's killed who he's been told to kill. Simple!
Tyrion now sees Sansa in the company of her handmaiden Shae. Because he is clever, he calls Shae "Sheila" to make it look like he can't remember her name. Tyrion asks if Sansa shouldn't be with the other highborn ladies in Maegor's Holdfast. That was indeed Cersei's plan, but Joffrey has requested that Sansa come see him off. Well that does sound appropriate, actually. So here comes Joffrey, accompanied by the Hound and a squad of hand-picked fighting men. Joffrey calls Sansa over and on her way she tells Tyrion that she'll pray for his safe return. She clarifies, "Just as a I pray for the king's" so that Tyrion doesn't get any ideas. Tyrion is left alone with Shae and they tell each other to stay safe. Tyrion goes off to wherever he's going and Podrick runs after him, carrying his shield and axe. I guess that's Podrick's basic job.
Joffrey tells Sansa that her king is riding off to battle and that she should kiss him. He takes out his sword and tells her that it's is name Hearteater. He makes her kiss the blade, which is pretty weird. With a hilariously inappropriate swagger, he tells her, "You'll kiss it again when I return. And taste my uncle's blood." Seriously, the facial expression when he says that is the most punchable his face has ever gotten. Sansa asks if he'll kill Stannis himself. He will... if Stannis gets anywhere near him. "So you'll be outside the gate, fighting in the vanguard?" Joffrey has an ingenious way out of this interrogation: "The king doesn't discuss battle plans with stupid girls!" Sansa agrees that she's stupid. Of course he'll be in the vanguard. After all, she says, Robb is always in the vanguard and he's only a pretender. Joffrey says she'll get to lick Robb's blood off Hearteater too. It's a shame the Hound is so tall, because I imagine there are some impressive eye-rolls going on just above the top of the screen. Exit Joffrey. Shae tells Sansa that some of his entourage won't come back. Sansa says Joffrey will. She's figured out what sort of world she's in, at least to the extent that she no longer thinks good things will ever happen to her.