Back to Vaes Dothrak and Daenerys's tent. Viserys drags his handmaiden in by the hair. Judging by her previous scene, I guess "hand"-maiden is inaccurate, but I'm trying not to be cruder than I have to be. Not when Viserys is willing to take on the crudeness all by himself: "You send this whore to give me commands?! I should send back her head!" Daenerys tries to apologize and explain, but Viserys is in high dudgeon. Or what he thinks high dudgeon looks like. Daenerys just wanted to invite him over to her tent for a nice dinner and offer him some nice clothes. Those nice clothes, of course, are described by Viserys as "Dothraki rags" that stink of manure "Next you'll want to braid my hair!" he shouts. Of course not, she explains, because he isn't actually entitled to a Dothraki braid. Strangely, this does not calm him down, and he knocks her to the floor before telling her, "You are a horselord's slut and now you've woken the dragon!" He's on top of her, but she's got her hand on one of those belts that's made of a bunch of metal disks. Whap! Belt to the face! He goes down and she stands. "I am a khaleesi of the Dothraki. I am the wife of the great Khal and I carry his son inside me. The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands." Nice work! It would be nice to think this would teach Viserys to mind his manners, but I don't think so.
Snow and Samwell clean the tables. Sam mopes about how the lords are going down to the whorehouse while they have to be celibate. Snow seems to find it surprising that a nerd like Sam would care about the ladies, but Sam answers, "Why not? Because I'm fat? I like girls just as much as you do! They might not like me as much." Snow, like Sam, has not had a woman. He came close once. Red hair. I wonder if it was Rose from the whorehouse. Sam asks why he's never had a woman. Jon explains that his surname is "Snow" because he's a Bastard from the north. Sam already understood that, but some of this is for the audience. His father never told him his mother's name, whether she's a noblewoman or a fisherman's wife or a whore. "So I sat there in the brothel while Rose took off her clothes." But he was worried about Rose becoming pregnant. Sam's interpretation of that is, "So...you didn't know where to put it!" They tussle and Thorne comes in to keep them from having any fun, ever. He's got a story about the winter, which was ten years ago or so. And it's even colder north of the wall, where wildlings hide in caves and you get frostbite if you take your gloves off for a second. It's a lot like that old lady's story to Bran, actually, although he leaves out the giant spiders. He segues into a specific story in which his party had to eat their horses, then each other. "We should have had a couple of boys like you along, shouldn't we? Soft, fat boys like you. We'd have lasted a fortnight on you and still had bones left over for soup." The training period is almost over, and everyone's going to get their assignments for the rest of their lives. "And he will call you Men of the Night's Watch. But you'd be fools to believe it. You're boys still. And come the winter, you will die. Like flies." This guy's a real ray of sunshine, isn't he?