Ah, King's Landing. Let's check in on King Joffrey, who's holding court. A minstrel sings a cheerful song. At first I was impressed that Joffrey's first order of business was auditioning minstrels, because that's the sort of thing a lot of young kings forget to do. They inherit the throne and start cutting heads off without a thought for the important business of hiring somebody to wear motley and recite ancient puns. But it turns out that Joffrey is just like everyone else; he's only listening to the minstrel because he sang an insulting song in a tavern. The primary element is how Robert, who was very fat, was killed by a boar, which was also fat. There are also references to Cersei: "The lion ripped his balls off aaaaand the boar did all the rest." It's that sort of thing. There was only one verse, but I have to assume that legions of filkers are elaborating on the theme and getting full-length versions ready for the summer convention season.

When the song is done, Joffrey claps sarcastically and claims to have found it "very amusing." The minstrel is pretty nervous at this point and promises that he'll never, ever sing that song again. Joffrey asks whether he'd prefer to keep his fingers or his tongue. Tough call. When the minstrel doesn't have an answer right away, Joffrey muses about just cutting his throat. That made his mind up: "Every man needs hands, your grace..." So! Tongue it is! And that means it's time for the red-hot pincers. Joffrey's goon only has regular pincers at the moment, but he also has a roaring fire, so they should be red hot pretty soon. For the rest of the scene, the minstrel's tongue is going to be ripped out in the background. But it's blurry, so that makes it funny!

So while that goes on, Joffrey announces that he's done for the day. He hands off the rest of the day's docket to Cersei and tells Sansa she looks pretty. When she thanks him, she calls him "My Lord," but it's supposed to be "Your Grace" now that he's king. You know, there's a lot wrong with Sansa, but I'm not sure I buy that she'd forget the right honorific to use. She's exactly the sort of person who stays up all night practicing the correct way to introduce a Monsignor to an Archduke. Or whatever the equivalents are in Westeros. Joffrey tells her to come with him, and she sulks. Then the Hound looms at her and tells her to do what Joffrey says. So she follows him.