Game of Thrones
Garden of Bones

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 3 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Bucket of Rats

Whack. "Harder." Whack! The recipient of the blows is beginning to transition from fake squeals to actual shrieks. "I said harder. You want me to get his money's worth." Whacking continues, with screaming. Joffrey turns his back and looks at his scepter. I don't think we've seen it before, so it may help if I describe it as being about a yard long, maybe three or four inches thick and solid wood. Except at the end, where there are some antler-like things that help establish the Baratheon-as-stag brand. Ros says that too much pain will spoil the pleasure. Joffrey takes no notice of this. He wants the beaten one brought to Tyrion's chambers when she's done. "Or the same thing will happen to you. Begin." Sobbing. Whacking. But not the kind of whacking that would imply that Joffrey's getting any sort of sexual enjoyment out of this. He's just fondling his crossbow (his literal crossbow) and watching. The creep.

Now to Renly's camp, where Littlefinger is Littlefingering it up. He has the sense to call Renly "Your Grace," thus denying us the fun of yet another scene where someone forgets that they're talking to a self-declared king. Renly doesn't trust Littlefinger's alleged loyalty, because he's not entirely dim. Littlefinger protests, claiming that he's just practical. Renly would like Littlefinger out of there quickly and asks what he's doing there in the first place. Behind him. Brienne glowers. First, Littlefinger assures Renly that he has many friends at court who feel that Ned Stark should upheld his claim to the throne. Renly figures that Littlefinger's here to try to secure his position after Renly's inevitably successful march on King's Landing. Littlefinger admits this, although he's more interested in not getting his head cut off if Renly wins. He's not here for Renly's affection. He says that when Renly marches on King's Landing, he could face a protracted siege. "Or... open gates." So it's an outright offer of treachery, then. Well, Renly does have the biggest army, so I guess it makes sense to at least consider what would happen if he wins.

Next, Littlefinger is outside by a fire. It looks like it's a regular fire in a barrel, but that's more of a hobo thing. Margaery Tyrell -- Renly's wife -- is there and Littlefinger claims that he needs her help finding his tent. That's pretty flimsy, but I guess we need to start their scene somehow. So they stroll through the encampment having a chat. She lets slip that she does not share a tent with Renly. Littlefinger speculates that Renly must be very busy, but then moves on to: "I did notice your brother entering the king's tent." Margaery observes that her marriage seems very interesting to him and Littlefinger claims that her marriage is interesting to the whole realm. She shifts gears and asks him, "You've never married, have you?" He has not had that great pleasure. She pretends that he's confused by the whole notion of marriage, so she explains that her husband is her king and her king is her husband. She leaves him at his tent. Man, she's awesome. First she was incredibly understanding of Renly's preferences in a spot where a lot of women would have freaked out. Then she stared down Littlefinger in a contest he's pretty good at. Renly could have done a lot worse for himself.

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